12 December 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Christmas Questions to Ponder

What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A Sony sleigh station!

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
“Horn”-aments!

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She’d go to a “re-tail” shop for a new one!

Why is Prancer always wet?
Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Comet!

When should you give reindeer milk to a baby?
When it’s a baby reindeer!

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!

Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
“Rude”-olph!

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want because he can’t hear you!

What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
This one will “sleigh” you!

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-“deer”!

Where do the reindeer like to stop for lunch?
“Deery” Queen!

What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
“Elk”-a-seltzer!

How do you get into Donner’s house?
You ring the “deer”-bell!

What’s red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Santelope!

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was “elf”-taught!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they look silly in snowsuits!

Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”

What does Santa put on his toast?
“Jingle Jam”

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??
Santa! The other two don’t exist!

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

What do the elves call it when Santa claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint “Nickel”-less!

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-“toast”!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won’t take themselves!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he’s always in the pole position!

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

What’s red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like “rain”, “Dear”!

How does Santa take pictures?
With his North “Pole”-aroid!

Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A “Holly” Davidson!

Where does Santa go to vote?
The North Poll!

What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!

What kind of music do elves like best?
“Wrap” music!

What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
Why, shortbread of course!

What kind of money do elves use?
Jingle bills!

Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?
Because he had low “elf” esteem!

How long should an elf’s legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
“First, YULE LOG on”!

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!

What’s the first thing elves learn in school?
The “elf”-abet!

Who sings “Blue Christmas” and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!

Who lives at the North Pole, makes toys and rides around in a pumpkin?
Cinder-“elf”-a!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly up already and Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Yule.
Yule who?
Yule be sorry if you don’t Holly up and Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow time to be playing games! Yule be sorry if you don’t Holly up and Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

One elf said to another elf, “We had Grandma for Christmas dinner”.
And the other elf said, “Really? We had turkey!”

Why do elves scratch themselves?
Because they’re the only ones who know where its itchy!

How do elves greet each other?
“Small world, isn’t it?”

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!

What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!

What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!

Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because Santa had said, “No L!”

Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the Christmas band?
Because he had the drum sticks!

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes!

What’s another name for Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

Where do you find elves?
Depends where you left them!

How does Frosty the Snowman get around?
On an “ice”-icle!

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