Archive | Funnies

20 July 2018 ~ 0 Comments

Breakdancing Goldfish finishes its last dance

I had a Goldfish that could break dance on the carpet. But only for like 20 seconds. And only once.

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27 June 2018 ~ 0 Comments

And soon to rule the world…

Yeah, I've got OCD - Old, Cranky, and Dangerous

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27 June 2018 ~ 0 Comments

You’ll never truly know your wife until you are married

You'll never truly know your wife until you are married

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10 March 2018 ~ 0 Comments

The reason to love women

The reason to love women

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12 April 2017 ~ 0 Comments

Funny United Airlines slogans – UA mottos get brutal

Funny United Airlines slogans - UA mottos get brutal

After the 4/10/2017 video footage of a passenger being roughed up after refusing to give up his seat to airline employees, United Airlines is suffering a brutal takedown of its own.  Their motto, “Fly the Friendly Skies” seems to have lost its meaning.  Instead, here are some funny new mottos we believe the beleaguered airline should now consider.

  • Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating!
  • United Airlines: Now serving Punch!
  • Just imagine how we treat your luggage.
  • Hey, we said the “skies” were friendly…
  • Early boarding, late boarding, water boarding – all the same to us.
  • Board as a doctor, leave as a patient.
  • Please keep feet out of the aisle – we need dragging room.
  • You carry on, we carry off.
  • We can re-accommodate you the easy way… or the hard way.
  • United Airlines: Now offering the Mike Tyson experience.
  • She’s got a ticket to ride – and we don’t care.
  • New boarding policy: “Eeny, meeny, miney, mo…”
  • Would you like a window seat… or a concussion?
  • No only can our United family not wear leggings, but tickets must be paid for with the blood of an innocent.
  • If you weren’t afraid of flying before, you will be now!
  • We put the hospital in hospitality.
  • We treat you like we treat your luggage.
  • We’ll beat any price – and any customer.
  • If we overbook, you’ll catch a right hook.

And for the competing airlines…

  • Southwest – we beat the competition, not you.
  • We’re here to keep you safe.  Dragging is strictly prohibited.

United Airlines introduces new cabin class

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04 November 2015 ~ 0 Comments

This kid is going places – funny answer to school test

Bobby has four dimes.  Amy has 30 pennies.  Which child has more money?  Show your thinking.

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20 February 2015 ~ 0 Comments

The Centipede

The Centipede


A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to church with me and receive blessings?”

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?”

[Wait for it…]

This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”

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13 February 2015 ~ 0 Comments

Join the movement! Stop the abuse of robot dogs.

Wow, I never knew…  Educational, emotional, and funny at the same time.

Funny video–stop abuse of robot dogs

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10 December 2014 ~ 0 Comments

20 corny jokes that are actually pretty funny

Homer Simpson covers his face

Hold on tight…

  1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
  2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  3. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal”. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan”. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
  4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”
  6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
  7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green ,Green Grass of Home’. The doctor says, “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” The man asks, “Is it common?” The doctor says, “Well, it’s Not Unusual.”
  8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
  9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this BS before.
  11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, Doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – you lost your arms!”
  13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
  14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”
  16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
  17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
  18. Two peanuts walked into a seedy bar and unfortunately, one was a salted.
  19. Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good…) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!

That’s all folks!

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08 December 2014 ~ 0 Comments

Batman makes a list

Batman makes list of why he's better than Superman

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