A man is visiting the cemetery to place flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother. He places the flowers on the grave and is walking back towards his car when he notices another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and repeating, “Why did you have [...]
Jokes in the ‘Death, Pain, and Ugly Stuff’ Category
Three women die together in an automobile accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. And although they try their best to avoid them, one of the women accidentally steps on one.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.”
A man who hadn’t been feeling well for quite some time, went to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news for you sir,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left to live.”
A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over Bloomingdales.
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces…
The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he’s in his brown suit. She’d specifically told the funeral home that she wanted him buried in his favorite blue suit. She was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he’d been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him.
A huge collection of jokes and humor about the death of our favorite hide-and-seek player, Osama bin Laden (most topical and related to other news events of the day).
After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. “Mary…Mary….”