Archive | Death, Pain, and Ugly Stuff
A man is visiting the cemetery to place flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother. He places the flowers on the grave and is walking back towards his car when he notices another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man was touched and decided to approach him. “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever encountered before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself and then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
Three women die together in an automobile accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. And although they try their best to avoid them, one of the women accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man.” The next day, a second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together, too.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on …. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says, “I don’t know about you, But I stepped on a duck.”