A man walks into a bar and asks for 12 whiskeys. He then commences to slamming them down, one after the other, as fast as he can. The bartender asks, “Why are you drinking those whiskeys so fast?”
Jokes in the ‘Drinking and Drugs’ Category
A man is sitting in a bar drinking his bear when a man runs in and shouts “Bill, your house is on fire!”. So he runs outside but then stops and thinks, “I don’t have a house.”
A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before problems start!” He drinks the beer, then orders another, shouting, “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender looks confused.
A man stumbles into a bar and begins ordering drink after drink. The bartender throws the man out for being too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar and again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks back into the bar. The bartender is just about to throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, “How many bars do you own, anyway?”
A man walks into a bar located on the top floor of a 70 story skyscraper. He takes a seat. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniels. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everyone’s surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.
A man walks into a bar and gets very drunk. He heads for the toilet. A few minutes later, there’s a blood-curdling scream. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echoes around the bar. The bartender goes to investigate. “What’s all the screaming about in there?” he yells. “You’re scaring my customers!”
Two men are sitting in a bar and the first one asks if the other one if he can buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks, “Where are you from?” “I”m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me three bottles of Guinness, please.” So the bartender brings him three bottles and the man proceeds to sip one, then the next, and then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
An old man walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of 40-year-old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of 10-year-old Scotch and figures that the man won’t be able to tell the difference. The man downs the Scotch and says, “This Scotch is only 10 years old! I specifically asked for 40-year-old Scotch.”
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9. “But I paid, don’t you remember?’ says the customer. “OK”’ says the bartender, “If you say you paid, you did.”