A man walks into a bar and asks for 12 whiskeys. He then commences to slamming them down, one after the other, as fast as he can. The bartender asks, “Why are you drinking those whiskeys so fast?”
Jokes in the ‘Drinking and Drugs’ Category
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Bill, listen to me
January 27th, 2011 
jokester A man is sitting in a bar drinking his bear when a man runs in and shouts “Bill, your house is on fire!”. So he runs outside but then stops and thinks, “I don’t have a house.”
Give me a beer before the problems start
January 26th, 2011 jokester A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before problems start!” He drinks the beer, then orders another, shouting, “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender looks confused.
How many times are you going to throw me out of this bar
January 26th, 2011 jokester A man stumbles into a bar and begins ordering drink after drink. The bartender throws the man out for being too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar and again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks back into the bar. The bartender is just about to throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, “How many bars do you own, anyway?”
If he can fly then so can I
January 26th, 2011 jokester A man walks into a bar located on the top floor of a 70 story skyscraper. He takes a seat. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniels. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everyone’s surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.
This toilet is not very comfortable
January 24th, 2011 jokester A man walks into a bar and gets very drunk. He heads for the toilet. A few minutes later, there’s a blood-curdling scream. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echoes around the bar. The bartender goes to investigate. “What’s all the screaming about in there?” he yells. “You’re scaring my customers!”
All the things we have in common
January 24th, 2011 jokester Two men are sitting in a bar and the first one asks if the other one if he can buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks, “Where are you from?” “I”m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
Give me three pints of Guinness please
January 22nd, 2011 jokester A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me three bottles of Guinness, please.” So the bartender brings him three bottles and the man proceeds to sip one, then the next, and then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
Your Scotch tastes like Piss
January 22nd, 2011 jokester An old man walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of 40-year-old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of 10-year-old Scotch and figures that the man won’t be able to tell the difference. The man downs the Scotch and says, “This Scotch is only 10 years old! I specifically asked for 40-year-old Scotch.”
If you say you paid I’ll take your word for it
January 22nd, 2011 jokester A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9. “But I paid, don’t you remember?’ says the customer. “OK”’ says the bartender, “If you say you paid, you did.”
