The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
Jokes in the ‘Religious’ Category
A man is harried, frantic, and nervous. He’s late for an interview, and he’s been driving around the block for 20 minutes trying to find a spot.
A Jewish man was deeply troubled by the way his son had turned out. He went to see his local Rabbi about it. “I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah. It cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”
A teenage Amish boy and his father were in a new multi-story shopping mall. They were amazed at all the modern technology that they saw but were especially impressed with the two shiny, silver walls that opened up to allow people in and then slid back together again leaving the people enclosed in the little box.
Brother Alfred entered the Monastery of Silence and the Abbot said, “Brother, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so….”. Brother Alfred lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbot said to him, “Brother Alfred, you have been here for five years. You can speak two words.”
A man is driving down a lonely road in northern Nevada when he passes a Sign: SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 10 MILES He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he sees another sign which says… SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 5 MILES
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn’t stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Murphy replied, “When Im worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o’ whiskey, to calm my nerves.” So the next Sunday he took the priest’s advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm.
There were three young priests about to take their final test. The first test that they had to pass was the celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest.
After a campaign tour, George W. Bush was waiting in the airport for his flight to be called. Off at the edge of the waiting area, Bush saw a tall man with white hair and a flowing white beard. The guy was dressed in a robe, and he was carrying two large, flat pieces of stone, carved with what looked like Hebrew words. George W. walked up to the guy, who seemed uncomfortable being so close to George. “Excuse me, sir,” said Bush, “but aren’t you …Moses??”
Michael O’Rourke brought his fiancée to Ireland to meet his mother, telling her to answer all of her future mother- in-law’s questions honestly regardless of what they were. “Cheryl my dear what kind of work did you do in London?”