Brother Alfred entered the Monastery of Silence and the Abbot said, “Brother, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so….”. Brother Alfred lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbot said to him, “Brother Alfred, you have been here for five years. You can speak two words.”
Jokes in the ‘Religious’ Category
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Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution
March 31st, 2011 
jokester A man is driving down a lonely road in northern Nevada when he passes a Sign: SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 10 MILES He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he sees another sign which says… SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 5 MILES
Giving a Sermon while Drunk
March 9th, 2011 jokester A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn’t stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Murphy replied, “When Im worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o’ whiskey, to calm my nerves.” So the next Sunday he took the priest’s advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm.
For Whom the Bell Tolls
March 1st, 2011 jokester There were three young priests about to take their final test. The first test that they had to pass was the celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest.
George Bush Greets Moses
February 19th, 2011 jokester After a campaign tour, George W. Bush was waiting in the airport for his flight to be called. Off at the edge of the waiting area, Bush saw a tall man with white hair and a flowing white beard. The guy was dressed in a robe, and he was carrying two large, flat pieces of stone, carved with what looked like Hebrew words. George W. walked up to the guy, who seemed uncomfortable being so close to George. “Excuse me, sir,” said Bush, “but aren’t you …Moses??”
Did you say you were a Prostitute?
February 19th, 2011 jokester Michael O’Rourke brought his fiancée to Ireland to meet his mother, telling her to answer all of her future mother- in-law’s questions honestly regardless of what they were. “Cheryl my dear what kind of work did you do in London?”
Why a Nun Needs Liquor
February 19th, 2011 jokester Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack’s Liquor Store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o’ the brandy.” “Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that! I’ve never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!”
Female Parrot Prostitutes
February 19th, 2011 jokester A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, `Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
The Preacher Should be Punished for Playing Golf on Sunday
February 6th, 2011 jokester There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course, swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing.
The Biggest Lie Wins the Dog
February 6th, 2011 jokester A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing.
(4.00 out of 5)