Archive | Chain Letters

24 May 2013 ~ 0 Comments

Could you photoshop Christine into the picture please

Here’s a funny real-life exchange between family members and a practical-joking graphic artist while trying to get a missing family member photoshopped into a vacation picture.

 

From: Cheryl

To: Howard, Ben, Christine, Stephanie, Wyatt

Here we are.  Thanks Ben for leaving space for Christine.  Stephanie could you photoshop her in?

-Mom

Could you photoshop Christine into the picture please

 

From: Stephanie

To: Howard, Cheryl, Ben, Christine, Wyatt

Photoshopped picture attached.  A little rough around the edges, but I think  all parties will agree that it’s accurate.

-Stephanie

Could you photoshop Christine into the picture please

 

From: Howard

To: Cheryl, Ben, Christine, Stephanie, Wyatt

Resize Christine and send the image to the back

– Dad

 

From: Stephanie

To: Howard, Cheryl, Ben, Christine, Wyatt

Dad, Christine resized and placed behind other picture, as per your request.

Could you photoshop Christine into the picture please

 

From: Howard

To: Cheryl, Ben, Christine, Stephanie, Wyatt

OK, now she looks like Godzilla.  I should have said "…make Christine smaller, then move the image to the back."  Sorry for the lack of clarity.

– Dad

 

From: Stephanie

To: Howard, Cheryl, Ben, Christine, Wyatt

Like this?

Could you photoshop Christine into the picture please

 

From: Cheryl

To: Howard, Ben, Christine, Stephanie, Wyatt

Oh kayeeeee.  I’m crying.

 

From: Cheryl

To: Howard, Ben, Christine, Stephanie, Wyatt

Whoooooo.  I’m still crying.  I took this email stream into work to give my co-workers a microcosmic view of how our family interacts with each other.

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11 May 2012 ~ 0 Comments

Summary of Life

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

  1.  You believe in Santa Claus.
  2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
  3. You are Santa Claus.
  4. You look like Santa Claus.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

  1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
  2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
  3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food..
  6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
  7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
  8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts..
  10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

 

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

  1.  Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
  2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
  3. Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
  4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground…
  5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
  6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.

At age 17 success is . . Having a driver’s license.

At age 35 success is .. . … ..having money.

At age 50 success is . . . Having money….

At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . … . Having friends.

At age 80 success is . . .. Not peeing in your pants.

 

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27 May 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Friday Therapy – Smile Edition

The following chain letter made the rounds in May 2011 and featured a variety of humorous and cute photos with captions.

Click picture for full-size view.

 

The quickest way to heaven

Quickest_way_to_heaven

 

Words of wisdom

bomb_tech_t-shirt

 

Finally, a fortune cookie that tells it like it is

true_fortune

 

Not my job

Not_my_job_winner_highway_paintjob

 

Desperate for a ticket to the World Cup

I_want_world_cup_tickets

 

Best T-Shirt design

best_t-shirt_design

 

Fridge Magnet

refrigerator_magnet_cat

 

Queen of the blondes

(backwards camera)

Queen_of_the_blondes

 

 

What will I be when I grow up

This is too priceless not to share

What_will_they_grow_up_to_be

 

 

If you don’t pass this along, a dog will come out and pee on your computer.

Dog_pee_on_computer

 

 

Ooops, I guess you didn’t send it fast enough…

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29 April 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Heads up on parking lot scam targeting older gentlemen

A “heads up” for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.  Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.  Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two attractive, college-aged women will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle.  They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, clad in skimpy T-shirts.  When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No,” but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.  You agree and they climb into the vehicle.  On the way, they start crawling all over you, while one of them steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Sept. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. And very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men.

Please, send this on to all the older men you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).

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18 April 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Don’t Blame Senior Citizens for THESE problems

The following chain letter began its rounds in April of 2011 and pointedly addresses some of the problems of the modern-day American society.  While political and harsh in its evaluation of the problems, the later half of the chain letter is a witty take on the elderly.

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER,
upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.  Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I’m the life of the party…… even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I’m very good at opening childproof caps…. with a hammer.
I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.
I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn’t send it back to them, but I would send it to many more too!

Spread the laughter
Share the cheer
Let’s be happy
While we’re here.

Go Green  –  Recycle CONGRESS!!

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04 March 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Reasons to be Glad You are Getting Older

The following are true stories submitted by readers.

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don’t have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don’t?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That’s right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
(Unbelievable but sadly true…)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the
Lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one
Of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it
Between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
"divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, "Do you know how much this
Is?"
I said to her "I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today."
She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM ‘thingy.’
( Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I don’t know.  Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, " Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries.  It’s a long walk…. "

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use paper from the photocopier," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
(Brunette, by the way!!)

SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.  The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.
The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer…."
Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency!"

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18 February 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Cute Life Quotes

Fashion fades, only style remains the same. (Coco Chanel)

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No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap. (Carrie Snow)

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A warrior seeks to act rather than talk. (Carlos Castaneda)

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Dance is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. (George Bernard Shaw)

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Impoliteness is frequently the sign of an awkward modesty that loses its head when surprised and hopes to conceal this with rudeness. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

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Music is what feelings sound like.

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Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief she is beautiful. (Sophia Loren)

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A man’s dreams are an index to his greatness. (Zadok Rabinowitz)

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When I kiss you, I can taste your soul. (Carrie Latet)

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Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with. (Drew Sirtors)

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There is enough in the world for everyone’s need, but not enough for everyone’s greed. (Frank Buchman)

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Inner peace is beyond victory or defeat. (Bhagavad Gita)

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Having a great intellect is no path to being happy. (Stephen Fry)

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He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty. (Lao Tzu)

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There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. (Albert Einstein)

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I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich. (Dan Wilcox)

animal_quotes_10[4]

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. (Buddha)

animal_quotes_12[4]

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you. (Lao Tzu)

animal_quotes_13[4]

The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure. (Francoise de Motteville)

animal_quotes_17[4]

Don’t be afraid to be a different kind of individual!

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When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

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Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. (Voltaire)

animal_quotes_20[4]

At every trifle take offence, that always shows great pride or little sense. (Alexander Pope)

animal_quotes_21[4]

Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. (Harriet Van Horne)

animal_quotes_23[4]

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. (Ben Hecht)

animal_quotes_25[4]

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? (Abraham Lincoln)

animal_quotes_26[4]

Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live. (Jim Rohn)

animal_quotes_27[4]

Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything. (Napoleon Hill)

animal_quotes_28[4]

Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.

animal_quotes_29[4]

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. (Albert Einstein)

animal_quotes_30[4]

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07 February 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Friday Therapy: Sun and Moon Edition

The following chain letter made the rounds in early February 2011.  These unique photographs use the Sun in the background as a rather unique prop…

Click the image to see a larger version of the photograph.

Holding_Sun

Kicking_Sun

Sun_fill

Sun_Push

Sun_Clock

Sun_Lasso

Sun_Hold

Sun_Basket

Sun_Bowl

Sun_Trap

Sun_Balloon

Sun_Ladder

Sun_Picture

Sun_Light

May you always have work for your hands to do
May your pockets hold always a coin or two
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain
May the hand of a friend always be near you
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you

Friendship isn’t about who you have known the longest;

It’s about those who came and never left your side ….

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21 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Thoughts about Life

Thoughts about Life – part 1

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“Art teaches nothing except the significance of life.” (Henry Miller)

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“Life is full of obstacle illusions.” (Grant Frazier)

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“Life’s a game, all you have to do, is know how to play it.”

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“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” (Sydney J. Harris)

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“One should eat to live, not live to eat.” (Moliere)

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“People who never make mistakes must get tired of doing nothing.”

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“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.” (Benjamin Franklin)

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“Stolen kisses are always sweetest.” (Leigh Hunt)

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“It is the nature of the ego to take, and the nature of the spirit to share.” (Proverb)

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“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” (Henri Matisse)

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“You cannot litigate personal choices and lifestyles.” (Mike Rogers)

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“There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out.” (Russian Proverb)

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“A little help is worth a great deal of pity.” (Proverb)

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“We find comfort among those who agree with us – growth among those who don’t.” (Frank A. Clark)

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“Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!” (Amanda Bradley)

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“The real friend is he or she who can share all our sorrows and double our joys.” (Barry C. Forbes)

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“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” (Aristotle)

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“A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.”

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“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” (Proverb)

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“When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.” (Henry Fielding)

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14 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

75 Fun Things to Do at the Doctor’s/Dentist’s Office/Waiting Room

75 FUN THINGS TO DO AT THE DOCTOR’S/DENTIST’S
OFFICE/WAITING ROOM:

  1. Sit down right next to a complete stranger. Turn and smile. Turn back whenever they look. Then, after a few minutes, stick your nose into their armpit and start to sniff them.
  2. Go up to the receptionist with your lips wrapped around your teeth and loudly demand to know when the `movomaime’ is going to wear off.
  3. When Doctor says he’s going to prepare the anaesthetic, say “˜Don’t worry, I’ve already taken care of that.’
  4. Offer the doctor a beer.
  5. Go up to the receptionist. When s/he asks if you have an appointment, look wildly around and start whispering the word `appointment?’ under your breath. Then scream it, and jump out a window.
  6. After the dentist finishes drilling, say `Now my turn.’
  7. When the doctor hammers your knee for the reflex test, smack him/her upside the head with your hand. When he looks at you, shrug.
  8. Cut coupons out of magazines in waiting room.
  9. Take a bottle of grape juice in with you. When they ask for a urine test, go in the bathroom and fill up the jar with grape juice. Give it to them and act really offended when they balk at it.
  10. When prescribed pills, ask if they come with water.
  11. When doctor prepares to give shot, ask if you can have it in chewable form.
  12. Bring a dart board. When the doctor leaves, hang it up on the wall. When s/he brings out the needle, throw it into the board and shout `I win! I win!’
  13. Demand typhoid shot. Threaten malpractice suit if doctor refuses.
  14. Paint your tongue black. When the dentist asks why your tongue is black, look confused and say `Tongue?’
  15. When doctor asks you to take a deep breath, defiantly stare at him/her and then hold your breath until you pass out.
  16. Go through the entire check-up while firmly grasping a broadsword.
  17. Prior to examination, attach a fig leaf over your crotch. When the doctor asks you to remove it, shake your head and go `Nice try, Doc.’
  18. When the doctor asks what the problem is, pull out a dead rodent and  ask him/her to fix it. Yell `Murderer!’ until s/he does.
  19. When they ask you to put on the paper dress, ask for matching hat and shoes. Failing that, ask for at least an ironing board.
  20. When the doctor asks you to change into the paper dress, fold it into an origami hat. Then strip and put just the hat on.
  21. Carry a puppet in with you. Every time the doctor says something, say `I think I’ll need a second opinion.’ Consult with puppet. Have the puppet constantly disagree.
  22. When the doctor enters, slap him and say, `That one’s for Grover!’
  23. Walk into the doctor’s office staring into a flashlight. Complain of seeing dots. When the doctor tells you to stop staring into the flashlight, say `Oh right. Whatever.’
  24. Walk into office naked. Tell the nurse that this isn’t funny and ask if you can have your clothes back.
  25. Hum softly. Whenever the doctor comes near you, start screaming at the top of your lungs. Pretend not to notice.
  26. When doctor hands you prescription paper, give yourself a papercut and scream Malpractice.
  27. Complain that you’ve lost all your limbs. When the doctor says something contradictory, snarl and say `Don’t patronize me.’
  28. Ask for a second prescription for the kids.
  29. Ask to keep the hypo needle as a souvenir.
  30. When doctor enters, have velcro blood pressure thing wrapped around head. Close eyes and keep whispering `I am getting smarter. I am getting smarter.’
  31. After doctor checks ears, innocently ask `Can I see?’
  32. Mirror everything the doctor does. After a while start repeating everything he says too.
  33. When doctor asks you to take a deep breath, say you forgot how to. Die for added effect.
  34. Ask doctor about new wonder drug that you’ve read about. Say you’ve forgot the name. When he supplies you with guesses, say `Oh no, I remember, it was crack.’ Ask for prescription.
  35. Stomp into office waving organ donor’s card and yelling that they took your liver.
  36. Begin to play with toys in waiting room. Insist on bringing them with you.
  37. Become really offended at everything doctor says. After a while, start saying, `Whatever you say, Doctor Jerk!’
  38. Sit down next to someone in the waiting room and start petting their hair absentmindedly.
  39. Beforehand, divide your body in sections with a magic marker and number them. When you undress in office, tell the doctor that he can feel free to take anything between 13 and 17.
  40. When doctor asks you to open wide, say `My nostrils can’t get any bigger!’
  41. When doctor asks what is wrong, look around fearfully and whisper, `I can’t tell you. They will find out.’ Then clutch your head and pretend like you are getting electric shocks.
  42. When the dentist mentions gum disease, ask if he is referring to spearmint or wintergreen.
  43. Ask him what he really thinks, off the record, about the one dentist out of five who doesn’t like Crest.
  44. Storm into dentist’s office. When asked what’s wrong, hold up last visit’s toothbrush and claim that the bristles are alive.
  45. Pretend that Satan lives in the Mr. Thirsty water-suction device. When the dentist picks it up, shake head rapidly and say `I ain’t givin’ nuffin’ to no devil!’
  46. Walk into a random dentist’s office. Claim that you can’t find a bathroom and you need Mr. Thirsty now!
  47. When dentist positions Mr. Thirsty in mouth, deadpan `That sucks.’
  48. When dentist refers to Mr. Thirsty, say `Don’t you mean Mr. or Mrs.Thirsty?’
  49. Speak in tongues constantly.
  50. Walk into office with an open can of paint. Ask people if they are there for black plaque. If they say no, paint a stripe on their shirt and move on to the next person. If someone finally answers yes, scream`Liar!’ and dump the remainder of the paint on their head.
  51. Bring a whole bunch of rotting bird carcasses and dead flowers. Take down all the Christmas decorations and put your things up in their place. When asked why, respond huffily, `Some of us don’t celebrate Christmas.’
  52. Ask the person next to you in the waiting room what they have. Whatever they respond, ask them if they are going to die. If they say no, act really disappointed.
  53. Ask doctor if he is in fact `Dr. Feelgood’.
  54. When doctor enters room, quickly ask if you can use the restroom. Promise to return speedily. Wait at least an hour. When you finally return and doctor asks what took so long, act really angry and say “˜You’re the doctor, you tell me!’
  55. Make a voodoo doll that looks like the doctor. Every so often stab it with a needle, look at your watch, and grin diabolically and say `Half an hour, pal.’
  56. Bring a laptop computer. Before doctor starts exam, ask if he is Windows 95 compatible. If he says no, get up and leave.
  57. Start singing along with the easy listening music.
  58. Jokingly ask doctor if death is terminal and begin to laugh. When he starts to laugh, immediately stop laughing and glare at him. Say `You think that’s funny, do you?
  59. Show doctor pictures of your family. When he asks where they live, smile enigmatically and point to your knee. Later, after the knee-jerk reflex test, yell loudly `You okay, mom?’
  60. Ask what the odds of getting a particular disease. When s/he gives you the odds, ask what the point spread is.
  61. Ask the doctor if he can pierce your colon.
  62. Tell the doctor you have a broken leg. Then fake a stiff upper lip and say, `But if you have to shoot me, I understand.’
  63. Ask the doctor how your leg works. When s/he gives an answer, ask him to make sure he’s talking about the `77 model.
  64. When dentist offers list of flavors for tooth paste, ask if he has `squirrel’.
  65. After dentist is done scraping teeth, talk as if the scraper was still in your mouth.
  66. Bring a ziplock bag. Ask dentist if you can have some of the laughing gas.
  67. Ask the dentist/doctor if he has ever killed a man with his bare hands. When he replies no, pout and say `Some doctor you are.’
  68. When dentist picks up drill, scream, stand up, kick him in the face and run out of the building.
  69. When doctor asks what’s wrong, belch the phrase `I don’t know.’
  70. Ask dentist if it’s true that aspirin can burn through your gums. When dentist says yes, look nervous and say uh-oh.
  71. Ask doctor if `Those Pancreas Rumors’ are true. When he doesn’t know what you mean, stare at him and say `Don’t play dumb with me, Doc.’
  72. Run through the entire doctor’s office wearing a tutu and swinging a stethoscope. After you pummel each individual nurse or doctor, yell `Touchdown!’ Then jump out a window screaming `Viva La France!’. Then come back in a few minutes later, wearing a business suit, and ask `What the hell happened in here?’
  73. Walk in wearing glasses. Ask doctor if looking at dirty pictures can make you blind. When s/he says no, sigh in relief and take off the glasses. Then whenever s/he says something, look wildly around and say `Who said that?’

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