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10 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Top 10 Things you don’t want to Hear when Closing on a House

Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Real Estate Agent When You Go To Settlement On Your New Home…

1. “I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home’s garden.”

2. “Actually, it’s only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground.”

3. “Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell’s Angels, but I’m told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it.”

4. “One bleeding toilet doesn’t necessarily mean it’s haunted.”

5. “Your neighbour has assured me that, technically, they’re not ‘killer’ bees.”

6. “Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it’s unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property.”

7. “It’s quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity.”

8. “Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?”

9. “It’s true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder.”

10. “You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night.”

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10 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Top 10 Reasons to go to work without wearing clothes

Top Ten reasons to go to work without any clothes…

1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!”

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. No one steals your chair.

10. Eliminate the fear of getting your tie caught in the elevator doors.  Oh wait…

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09 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Knock knock jokes – names that being with letter B

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bacon!
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday but I won’t get it done if you keep knocking on my door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Banana. Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Banana. Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Orange. Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bean!
Bean who?
Bean fishing lately?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Beets!
Beets who?
Beets me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ben!
Ben who?
Ben knocking on this door all morning!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Benin!
Benin who?
Benin shopping lately?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bertha!
Bertha who?
Bertha-day greetings!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Betty!
Betty who?
Betty ya don’t know who this is!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bolivia!
Boliva who?
Boliva me, I know what I’m talking about!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don’t cry it’s only a knock knock joke!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Brad!
Brad who?
Brad news I’m afraid!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me and I’ll tell you another knock knock joke!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Butcher!
Butcher who?
Butcher money where your mouth is!

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09 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Knock knock jokes – Names with Letter A

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid down and be quiet!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ada!
Ada who?
Ada burger for lunch!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adair!
Adair who?
Adair once but I’m bald now!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adam!
Adam who?
Adam if I do and adam if I don’t!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adelia!
Adelia who?
Adelia the cards and we’ll play gofish!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adolf!
Adolf who?
Adolf ball hit me in the head and boy, did it hurt!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aesop!
Aesop who?
Aesop I saw a puddy cat!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Agatha!
Agatha who?
Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alaska!
Alaska who?
Alaska my friend the question since I don’t know!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aida!
Aida who?
Aida lot of sweets and now I’ve got tummy ache!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Al!
Al who?
Al give you a kiss if you open this door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alba!
Alba!
Alba in the kitchen if you need me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Albee!
Albee!
Albee a monkey’s uncle!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Albert!
Albert who!
Albert you don’t know who this is!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aldo!
Aldo who?
Aldo anywhere with you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alec!
Alec who?
Alec-tricity. Isn’t that a shock!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alex!
Alex who?
Alex the questions round here!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alfred!
Alfred who!
Alfred of the dark!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alli!
Alli who?
Alligator, that’s who!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Allied!
Allied who?
Allied, so sue me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alma!
Alma who?
Alma not going to tell you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Althea!
Althea who?
Althea later, alligator!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alvin!
Alvin who!
Alvin a great time, how about you?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amahl!
Amahl who?
Amahl shook up!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amana!
Amana who?
Amana bad mood so quit knocking in my door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ammonia!
Ammonia who?
Ammonia little kid so how am I supposed to answer the door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amory!
Amory who?
Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amsterdam!
Amsterdam who?
Amsterdam tired of all these Knock Knock jokes

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amos!
Amos who?
Amosquito just bit me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Andy!
Andy who?
Andy mosquito bit me again!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amy!
Amy who?
Amy fraid I’ve forgotten already!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Andrew!
Andrew who?
Andrew a picture for you if you want!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anita!
Anita who?
Anita you like I need a hole in the head!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anka!
Anka who?
Anka the ship or we’re going to float away!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ankansas!
Ankansas who?
Ankansas though any piece of wood with my teeth!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna one, anna two…!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna going to tell you so quit knocking on my door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Annetta!
Annetta who?
Annetta drink of water cause I’m thirsty!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Annie!
Annie who?
Annie one you like!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Apple!
Apple who?
Apple your hair if you don’t let me in!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Arbus!
Arbus who?
Arbus leaves in 5 minutes so hurry up!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Arch!
Arch who?
Bless you. Are you catching a cold?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aries!
Aries who?
Aries a reason why you are knocking on my door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Armageddon!
Armageddon who?
Armageddon getting out of here!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Armenia!
Armenia who?
Armenia every word I say!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthur any more knock knock jokes!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Asia!
Asia who?
Asia you going to let me in then!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I’m sorry I didn’t know you had a cold!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Athena!
Athena who?
Athena flying saucer – run for your life!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Atlas!
Atlas?
Atlas I don’t know any more knock knock jokes!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Atomic!
Atomic who?
Atomic ache!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Augusta!
Augusta who?
Augusta go home now!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aunt Lou!
Aunt Lou who?
Aunt Lou do you think you are!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Austin!
Austin who?
Austin corrected!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Avocado!
Avocado who?
Avocado a cold!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Axl!
Axl who?
Axl me nicely and I might just tell you!

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08 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Top 10 Things to Say About a Christmas Gift you don’t Like

Top 10 things to say about a Christmas gift you do not like:

10. Hey! Now there’s a gift!

9. Well, well, well…

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4. I love it – but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. I really don’t deserve this.

08 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Top 10 TV Shows in Iraq

Top 10 TV Shows in Iraq:

10. Husseinfeld

9. Mad About Everything

8. Allah McBeal

7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror

6. Achmed’s Creek

5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it’s Right

4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest

3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show

2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs

1. Suddenly Sanctions

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08 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Top 10 Ways to Know you have PMS

Top 10 ways to know you have PMS:

10. Everyone around you has an attitude  problem.

9. You’re adding chocolate  chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You’re using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, “How’s my driving? Call 1-800-WHO-CARE.”

5. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s male.

3. You’re counting down the days until menopause.

2. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1.  The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

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08 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED…

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED…

10. Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”.

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. “Family meetings” are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid’s day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

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07 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Whoa! Hoe Nearly Takes Down Highway Bridge

The pictures below show the aftermath of an accident that occurred on the evening of 13 February 2006 on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas.  The driver of the truck misjudged the height of the overpass which did not allow clearance for the backhoe that he was hauling.  The gash in the bridge measured 45 feet and penetrated through the top of the bridge deck.  The highway remained closed for over a week (and the bridge remained closed even longer).  The driver was not injured although he did receive a ticket for not having clearance to haul the backhoe on the interstate.  The Kansas Department of Transportation said the construction company for which the driver worked would be liable for the cost of repairs to the overpass, which were estimated at $134,000 as of late March 2006.

Backhoe3

Backhoe2

Backhoe1

Backhoe4

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07 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

And still more Funny Facebook Posts

GetThatInterception

 

WhyDontYouLikeMe

 

EnjoyYourCrouton

 

WhitePresidentsDay

 

BigBeer

 

Not in Braille

 

Wet bed post

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