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30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Difference between lawyer and trampoline

What’s the difference between an attorney and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

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30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Blonde Questions and Answers

Q: What do you call an eternity?

A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?

A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?

A: They think their picture is being taken.

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30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

The magic mirror

Once upon a time, there was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.   If you told a lie, the mirror would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think…’ and it sucked her in.

30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Give her another chance

One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren’t dumb.

They asked anyone that passed by, “Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we’re not dumb.”

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.

She got up on the car with the man and the man asked: “What is the first month of the year?”

The blonde responded: “November?”

“Nope,” said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, “Give her another chance, give her another chance.”

So the man asked: “What is the capital of the U.S.A ?”

The blonde responded: “Paris?”

So the crowd began chanting again: “Give her another chance, give her another chance.”

The man said: “Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?”

The blonde replied: “Two?”

“Give her another chance, Give her another chance.” screamed the crowd.

30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Chased by a Vampire

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to see her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?

Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quietly) So… what did you see in this dream?

Blonde: I was running down a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Blonde: Well that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to this door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn’t budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Blonde: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Blonde: It said “Pull”

30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

The 500 Dollar Question

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.  The lawyer leans over to the blond and asks her if she would like to play a fun game to pass the time.  The blonde just wants to take a nap so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.  The lawyer, persistent, tells the blonde that the game is really easy and a lot of fun to play.  He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.  If you know the answer to the question, I pay you $5.”

Again, the blonde politely declines and tries again to grab a few winks.  The lawyer, refusing to give up, says “Okay, if you don’t know the answer to the question then you pay me $5 but if I don’t know the answer to the question, I will pay you $500!”  Figuring that since she is a blonde, he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde’s attention and figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.  “What is the distance from the earth to the moon?”  The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it over to the lawyer.

The blonde’s turn, she asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down the hill with four?”  The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.  He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.  He hooks into the airplane’s WiFi network and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress.  Frustrated, he send email to all his coworkers and friends.  All to no avail.  After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

30 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Eighty Eight Bam

A brunette standing along side a busy road chanting “88, 88, 88, 88…”   A blonde walked up to her and said, “that looks like fun, can I try?” The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, “88, 88, 88, 88..”

“Well,” said the brunette, “this is fun but what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street!” So the blonde said “OK” and stood in the middle of the street. “88, 88, 88, 88-” BAM! she was run over by a car, flattened as flat as a pancake.

Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, “89, 89, 89, 89..

29 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Wrong way blonde

Two blonds are driving on a Highway. They switch on the radio and there is a warning:

“Please note that a car is driving on highway 75 against the traffic.”

The one blonde turns to the other and says:

“One? There are hundreds of them!”

29 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Top 50 Real Programmer Quotes

  1. “Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.” – Rick Cook
  2. “Lisp isn’t a language, it’s a building material.” – Alan Kay.
  3. “Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.” – Edward V Berard
  4. “They don’t make bugs like Bunny anymore.” – Olav Mjelde.
  5. “A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.” – Alan J. Perlis.
  6. “A C program is like a fast dance on a newly waxed dance floor by people carrying razors.” – Waldi Ravens.
  7. “I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.” – Bjarne Stroustrup
  8. “Computer science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter.” – Eric S. Raymond
  9. “Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.” – Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering
  10. “I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.” – Oktal
  11. “Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like.” – pixadel
  12. “Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline.” – Bill Clinton
  13. “The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense.” – E.W. Dijkstra
  14. “In the one and only true way. The object-oriented version of ‘Spaghetti code’ is, of course, ‘Lasagna code’. (Too many layers).” – Roberto Waltman.
  15. “FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed “” it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.” – Alan J. Perlis.
  16. “For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless. And then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.” – Bill Bryson
  17. “In My Egotistical Opinion, most people’s C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt.” – Blair P. Houghton.
  18. “When someone says: ‘I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done’, give him a lollipop.” – Alan J. Perlis
  19. “The evolution of languages: FORTRAN is a non-typed language. C is a weakly typed language. Ada is a strongly typed language. C++ is a strongly hyped language.” – Ron Sercely
  20. “Good design adds value faster than it adds cost.” – Thomas C. Gale
  21. “Python’s a drop-in replacement for BASIC in the sense that Optimus Prime is a drop-in replacement for a truck.” – Cory Dodt
  22. “Talk is cheap. Show me the code.” – Linus Torvalds
  23. “Perfection [in design] is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupry
  24. “C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.” – Dennis M. Ritchie.
  25. “In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they’re not.” – Yoggi Berra
  26. “You can’t have great software without a great team, and most software teams behave like dysfunctional families.” – Jim McCarthy
  27. “PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals.” – Jon Ribbens
  28. “Programming is like kicking yourself in the face, sooner or later your nose will bleed.” – Kyle Woodbury
  29. “Perl ““ The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.” – Keith Bostic
  30. “It is easier to port a shell than a shell script.” – Larry Wall
  31. “I invented the term ‘Object-Oriented’, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.” – Alan Kay
  32. “Learning to program has no more to do with designing interactive software than learning to touch type has to do with writing poetry” – Ted Nelson
  33. “Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.”

(Alan Kay)

  1. “The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability.” – Randall E. Stross
  2. “If McDonalds were run like a software company, one out of every hundred Big Macs would give you food poisoning, and the response would be, “˜We’re sorry, here’s a coupon for two more.’ ” – Mark Minasi
  3. “Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.” – Donald E. Knuth.
  4. “Computer system analysis is like child-rearing; you can do grievous damage, but you cannot ensure success.” – Tom DeMarco
  5. “I don’t care if it works on your machine! We are not shipping your machine!” – Vidiu Platon.
  6. “Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code.” – Christopher Thompson
  7. “Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.” – Bill Gates
  8. “Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.” – Brian W. Kernighan.
  9. “People think that computer science is the art of geniuses but the actual reality is the opposite, just many people doing things that build on each other, like a wall of mini stones.” – Donald Knuth
  10. “First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack.” – George Carrette
  11. “Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.” – Larry Wall
  12. “Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.” – Alan Kay
  13. “The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.” – Seymour Cray
  14. “To iterate is human, to recurse divine.” – L. Peter Deutsch
  15. “On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament]: ‘Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?’ I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.” – Charles Babbage
  16. “Most good programmers do programming not because they expect to get paid or get adulation by the public, but because it is fun to program.” – Linus Torvalds
  17. “Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.” – Martin Golding
  18. “There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.” – C.A.R. Hoare
  19. They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.”Janet Reno
  20. “If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.” – Robert X. Cringely
  21. “Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (And by “˜they’, I mean “˜computers’. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)” – Dave Barry

20 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

WTF? Is this some sort of advanced soccer?

Advanced players took it upon themselves to set up this advanced soccer field.

Soccer field painted on side of large, sloping hill

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