This is why kids need a pet. Click picture for full-size view.
What do you call a minor bird accident?
A feather bender.
Why did the duck go ring-ring?
He got a phone bill.
What did the little bird say to the big bird?
Peck on someone your own size.
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
A fowl ball.
What kind of ducks rob banks?
Why was the duck unhappy?
His bill was in the mail.
Why did the pigeon need to get out?
He was cooped up at home all week.
Which bird does construction work?
Which birds work underground?
Myna (miner) birds.
What kind of doctor treats a duck?
A quack doctor!
Not sure whether to laugh or cry about this “snake fail”. Question is, “did the guy who snapped the picture help get the can off the snake’s head?”
A nervous little man, wandered into a tough biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”
A giant of a man, wearing biker leather pants, full beard, and covered in tattoos, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and growled, “It’s my dog. What of it?”
“Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”
“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What kind of dog do you have?”
“Well sir,” whispered the little man, “it’s a four week old little puppy.”
“Bull!” roared the biker, “how could your little puppy kill my Doberman?”
“It appears that your dog choked on her, sir.”
Uh, no honey, I don’t have any idea who got into your private fish stash and no, I have no idea where the kids are.
The following appeared in a chain letter campaign in April 2011. The video is from a BBC animal program and someone has done a voice over adding hilarious speech to the animals.