Jokes Tagged ‘crime’

The nervous bank robber

Two men were driving to their first heist when the passenger admitted to the driver that he was probably too scared to pull off the job. The driver scolded him, “Don’t be pussy. You’ll do just fine. Just give them our demands and they will cooperate. You can do this.”

Early Christmas Shopping should be a Crime

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.

The victim and his fight to keep his money

One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim’s pockets and searched him.

Kid solution to catching most wanted criminals

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw “wanted” pictures, posted on the wall, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a criminal that was wanted by the law.

Jesus is watching you

A burglar breaks into a home. He spots a stereo system that looks good so he grabs it. Then he hears a voice “JESUS is watching you”.

Criminal suffers massive injuries after fall off of curb

Uh yeah, that’s one heck of a fall buddy. I’m guessing the marine friends of the marine you stabbed helped you right up – eh? The following newspaper article appeared in Georgia concerning a nasty fall a criminal took after robbing a local Best Buy store and stabbing a United States Marine that was standing outside the store.

Top 15 Signs your Cat may be trying to Kill You

Top 15 Signs your Cat may be trying to Kill You

A Case for the FBI

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood.”