Jokes Tagged ‘doctor’

No free advice

A doctor and an attorney were attending a formal party where they started up a casual conversation. As they talked, people kept approaching the doctor describing their aches and pains and asking the doctor for advice.

You have ten to live

A man who hadn’t been feeling well for quite some time, went to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news for you sir,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left to live.”

Give me the worst bad news first

A elderly man goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the doctor conducts the examine and reviews the results, the calls the patient into the room telling him that he had a couple of items of bad news to pass on. The patient says, “Give me the worst of the bad news first!”

I’ve been seeing this woman for two months now

A man goes to a psychiatrist. He says, “Doc, I have a problem.” The psychiatrist says, “Tell me about it.” The man says, “I have been seeing this woman for two months now.”

You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with a patient

Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: “Bob, don’t worry about it.”

The Ed Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him.

You gotta eat better

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.

Doctor, I hurt all over

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. “Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor. “You have to help me doc, I hurt all over”, said the woman.

The proctologist exam tools

Joe went into his proctologist’s office for a rectal exam. Elaine, the doctor’s new nurse, took him to an examining room and told him to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see him.

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery