This guy put this sign in his front window to explain his life to his neighbors and then tells them what they can do with it.
Tom had a recurring problem of oversleeping in the morning. He was always late for work. His boss became angry and threatened to fire him if he showed up late for work again. Tom explained that he had trouble sleeping and was always tired. The boss suggested he go see a doctor about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, woke up before his alarm clock even went off. He had a nice healthy breakfast and drove leisurely to the office.
Tom arrived at work early, stepped in the door, and announced proudly, “Boss, the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!”
“That’s all fine” said the boss, “but where were you yesterday?”
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello, is this FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood.”
“This will be noted.”
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom’s house.
“Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yeah they did.”
“Okay, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”