Jokes Tagged ‘elderly’

Summary of Life

This chain letter made the rounds in May 2012 and explains the stages of life including truths that children and adults have learned and the definition of success at each stage in life.

Candy can be Good for your Health

An old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast a possible. The man walks up to the boy and says “You know son, its really not healthy to eat all that candy.”

Why the elderly use pet names with their wife

Bernie was eating dinner at a friend’s home when he noticed that Morris, the dinner host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Will you marry me?

An elderly widow and widower had been dating for over five years. The oldman finally decided to ask her to marry him. Without hesitation, she immediately said “yes”. The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was!

I’m sorry, but I’ve forgotten your name. Again.

Two elderly ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, “I realize we’ve known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can’t bring it to mind… would you please tell me your name again, dear?”

My wish – for my wife to be 30 years younger than me

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

Heads up on parking lot scam targeting older gentlemen

A “heads up” for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Don’t Blame Senior Citizens for THESE problems

The following chain letter began its rounds in April of 2011 and pointed addresses some of the problems of the modern-day American society. While political and harsh in its evaluation, the later half of the chain letter is a witty take on the elderly.

Getting old really sucks

A group of senior citizens were talking at the breakfast table in a Victoria nursing home. “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.

Am I Driving?

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light”.