This guy put this sign in his front window to explain his life to his neighbors and then tells them what they can do with it.
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time this month and found the boss waiting for him at his desk.
“What’s the story this time, Jones?” the boss asked while dripping sarcasm. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”
Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river. I ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockette dancers.”
“You’ll have to do better than that, Jones,” said the boss, obviously disappointed. “No woman can get ready in ten minutes.”
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”