Jokes Tagged ‘god’

God, please help me find a parking spot

A man is harried, frantic, and nervous. He’s late for an interview, and he’s been driving around the block for 20 minutes trying to find a spot.

God give me the strength to cross this river

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”

Religion and God Limericks

A collection of religious limericks related to god, jesus, and the church.

Man’s Penis and Brain

One day the Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” the Lord said. Adam looked at the Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.”

You’ve Got Plenty of Life Left in You

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near- death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Moses and his threesome on the golf course

Moses put together a threesome and they hit the links. Moses pulled up to the tee, took out his driver, and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but bounced directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

When scientists have no more need for God

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need You. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t have any need for You any more”

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergy- man in the afternoon.