13 February 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Yes I Know Him

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman.  He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams.  I’ve known you since you were a young boy.   And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me.   You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.   You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned.  Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.   I used to baby sit him for his parents.  And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me.   He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.   The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.   Yes, I know him.”

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.   In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”

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05 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Are you Talking to Me?

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.

“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”

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