10 May 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Go America Go! They love us!

This funny protest sign comes to us from Pakistan.  The meaning of the wording doesn’t quite portray their true feelings?  Or does it?  Click picture for full-size view.

Funny Pakistan protest sign - Go America Go

Funny Pakistan protest sign - Go America Go. They love us!

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Department of Homeland Security Alert

Re: Department of Homeland Security Alert

We’ve just been notified by Security that there have been 6 suspected terrorists working out of your office.  Five of the six have been apprehended: Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody.

Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office.  Security is confident that anyone who looks like he’s Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

You are obviously not a suspect at this time.

Signed:

Department of Homeland Security

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Bush Memo to Al Gore – Post 9/11

The following Bush memo to Al Gore was recently released in a Wikeleaks leaked document.  The memo was originally written in August of 2004.

To: Albert Gore

Re: Election Results

Dear Al:

We found some more votes. You won. When do you want to take over?

Sincerely,

George W. Bush

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Handy Phrases For Traveling in the Middle East

A few handy phrases translated to English — in case you’re ever kidnapped by terrorists.

AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.= Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.= I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.

SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.

AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.= If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!= Whatever you say!

MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.= The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.= The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you.  I must have the recipe.

BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ.= Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs.

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02 January 2011 ~ Comments Off on American Women…Do Your Part To Help! Stand Up, Be Seen!

American Women…Do Your Part To Help! Stand Up, Be Seen!

We need to get this message out. Please forward, America needs your help!

The President has asked that we unite for a common cause. Since the hard line Islamic people cannot stand nudity, and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, tonight at 7:00 pm, all women should run out of their house naked to help weed out the terrorists.

The United States appreciates your efforts, and applauds you.

God bless America.

Signed,

William Jefferson Clinton

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Bin Laden’s Great Wall

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day.  They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

“I will give each of you one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.

The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.  I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”

With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state.”

Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

Uncle Sam, asks, “I’m very curious.  Please tell me more about this wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out — virtually impenetrable.”

Uncle Sam says, “Fill it with water.”

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

George W. Bush vs. the Taliban

Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new anti-terrorism process.  When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the arm of Akhund’s chair.  They begin talking.

After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button.  A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.  Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs.  A few minutes later the second button is pressed.  This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin.  Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.  But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he’s finally had enough.

“I’m headin’ back home!” he calmly tells the Afghan.  “We’ll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks.  As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush’s chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan’s retaliation.  They begin talking and George presses the first button.  Akhund ducks, but nothing happens.  George snickers but they continue talking.  A few minutes later he presses the second button.  Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens.  Bush roars with laughter.  They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens.

Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Akhund. “I’m going back to Afghanistan!”

George W. says, through tears of laughter, “What Afghanistan?”

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Top Anagrams for Osama Bin Laden

Top Anagrams for Osama Bin Laden

21. Sane Oilman Bad

20. I bona leadsman

19. Nasal Nomad Be I

18. Be a Slain Nomad

17. A bend lama son

16. Albania’s Demon

15. A lesbian nomad

14. Alias “Boned Man”

13. So I anal bad men

12. And I blame a son

11. No Asian bedlam

10. I.D.: Mean Anal S.O.B.

9. I, a sad nobleman

8. A slain abdomen

7. I’m so banal, Edna

6. I model bananas

5. A mob, insane lad

4. Is a lone, bad man

3. Do a samba, Lenin

2. I’m Dole bananas

1. Abandon E-mails

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Osama’s Inter-Cave Memo

From: Bin Laden, Osama

Sent: Monday, October 22, 2001 8:17 AM

To: Cavemates

Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We’ve all been putting in long hours but we’ve really come together as a group and I love that.  Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says “There is no I in team” as well as the one that says “Hang In There, Baby.”  That cat is hilarious.  However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of the cave.  And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it’s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave.  Hey, you don’t want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily.  I’ve posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it’s not often I make a video address but when I do, I’m trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay?  That means that while we’re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background.  Just while we’re taping.  Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one.  As you know, by edict, we’re not supposed to shave our beards.  But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime.  We’re all in this together.

Fourth: food.  I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote “Osama” on the front, and put it on the top shelf.  Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.  Consideration.  That’s all I’m saying.

Finally, we’ve heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks.  I want to set up patrols to look for them.  First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Death to infidels,

Osama

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02 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Quick Terrorism Q&A

“It’s a bird!”

“It’s a plane!”

“It’s…. Uh Oh, it IS a plane!”

 

Q: What should have tipped off the ticket sellers?

A: When the terrorists asked if there was anything cheaper than one-way.

 

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?

A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

 

Q: What is the Taliban’s national bird?

A: Duck

 

Q: What does Osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?

A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

 

Q: What’s the five-day forecast for Afghanistan?

A: Two days.

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