Top 25 Ways To Drive Your Roommate Crazy
1. Every time you wake up, start yelling, “Oh, my God! Where the
hell am I?!” and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go
back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don’t know what
he/she is talking about.
2. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, “I can’t live in the same
room with you,” storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid
of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever
3. Buy a Jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the
clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
4. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your
stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, “Okay, your
5. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the
tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, “Oh, he’s around here
6. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling.
When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head,
7. Punch a hole in the TV Set and watch it anyway, complaining
about the poor picture quality.
8. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names.
Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato
from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s
potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t
9. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests,
explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as
your normally would.
10. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate
if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on
the empty side of the room with concern.
11.When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the
phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang
up, say, “That was your mom. She said she’d call back.”
12. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing
nothing. Then, look up and say, “I think this game goes a lot faster
with two players.”
13. Talk back to your “Rice Krispies.” All of a sudden, act
offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it
up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them suffer”.
14. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on
them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the
music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and
say, “Well, it was fun while it lasted.”
15. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to
the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate’s
possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
16. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly
complain that your feet hurt.
17. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb
with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often
about the cost of new lightbulbs.
18. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her
do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around
campus. If Your roommate protests, say, “The people have a right
19. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people.
Find One that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, “It
had to be done.”
20. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. (“Frank Johnson!
Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holy cow!)
21. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask
your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your
roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it
look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the
22. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she
protests, tell him/her that it’s all for charity.
23. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever
you’d like to have a conversation.
24. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When
your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering
a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, “We’ll continue this later,”
while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
25. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go
and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry,
shouting at the worms that they’re stupid and they don’t know what
they’re talking about.