Funny (but true) medical quotes

The things that medical staff write in reports. The following are true excerpts from the medical reports of a UK hospital.

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient was seen in consultation with Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, I agree.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1997.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in ER she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.
Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.