Funny (but true) medical quotes

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Funny Medical Quotes

The things that medical staff write in reports.  The following are true excerpts  from the medical reports of a UK hospital.

  • She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
  • The patient has no previous history of suicides.
  • Patient was seen in consultation with Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, I agree.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
  • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
  • Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
  • The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1997.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • While in ER she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
  • When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.
  • Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
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