My Exercise Philosophy


It is well documented that for every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life.  This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month!

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.  She’s now 97, and we have no idea where she is.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.


I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

If God meant for us to touch our toes, He would have put them further up on our bodies.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately, my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country.


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