Did you hear about…

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Did you hear about…

 

Q: Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero?

A: He’s 0K now.

 

Q: Did you hear about woman who couldn’t find a singing partner?

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She ended up buying a duet-your-self kit.

 

Q: Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of prunes?

A: He’s been on the run for the last month.

 

Q: Did you hear about the pigeon who wanted to buy a famous London landmark?

A: He put a deposit on Big Ben.

 

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping?

A: He woke up.

 

Q: Did you hear about the man from London who became very thirsty when he went to visit his relatives in Vancouver?

A: He drank Canada Dry.

 

Q: Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?

A: He was found squashed under a shop.

 

Q: Did you hear about the dating agency for chickens that went bankrupt last week?

A: They couldn’t make hens meet.

 

Q: Did you hear about the very intelligent monster?

A: He was called Frank Einstein.

 

Q: Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?

A: The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.

 

Q: Did you hear about the young man who got really worried when his nose kept growing until it was eleven inches long?

A: He thought it might turn into a foot.

 

Q: Did you hear about the florist who had two children?

A: One is a budding genius and the other one is a blooming idiot.

 

Q: Did you hear about the musical ghost?

A: He wrote haunting melodies.

 

Q: Did you hear about the woman who was so ugly she could make yogurt just by staring at a glass of milk for an hour?

 

Q: Did you hear about the farmer’s boy who hated working in the country?

A: He went to London and got a job as a shoe-shine boy. So the farmer made hay while the son shone.

 

Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

A: It was in tents!

 

Q: Did you hear about the dangerous fool who keeps going around saying “no” anytime someone asks them a question?

A:No.

Oh no, it’s you!

 

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?

A: Probably….

 

Q: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

A: Great food but no atmosphere.

 

Q: Did you hear about the rich Arab who bought a herd of cows?

A: He became a milk sheikh.

 

Q: Did you hear about the man who listened to the match?

A: He burnt his ear.

 

Q: Did you hear about the detective who became famous after solving crimes by pure chance?

A: He was called Sheer – Luck Holmes.

 

Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?

A: He was a million-hare.

 

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?

A: He sold his soul to Santa

 

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

A: He’s all right now.

 

Q: Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for their mother’s birthday?

A: They threw a sowprize party.

 

Q: Did you hear about the man went into a bank and asked to see the man who arranged loans?

A: ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ said a cashier, ‘the loan arranger is out to lunch at the moment.’

Q: ‘Well, can I speak to Tonto, then?’ asked the man.

 

Q: Did you hear about the horse that has made over twenty movies?

A: He’s not a star though, he just does bit parts.

 

Q: Did you hear about the dog that ate nothing but garlic?

A: His bark was much worse than his bite.

 

Q: Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

A: He was sentenced to 12 months in jail; they say his days are numbered.

 

Q: Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?

A: A strong current pulled him under.

 

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