Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:
Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire”
Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough”
Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft”
Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t”
Solution: “IT DOES NOW”
Problem: “Something loose in cockpit”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit”
Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear”
Solution: “Evidence removed”
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level”
Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield”
Solution: “Live bugs on order”
Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold produces a 200 fpm descent”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground”
Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick”
Solution: “That’s what they’re there for”
Problem: “Number three engine missing”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search”
