Blonde Jokes

Disguised blonde counting sheep

A blonde dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on.  She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm.  She said to the farmer, “If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?”

“Ok,” said the farmer.   So she quickly counted them and said 91.

The farmer looked around astonished and said, “Alright take one.”

As she was walking back to her car the farmer said, “If I can guess your natural hair color can I have my dog back?”

The Bus Driver

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.  The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs.  She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead. She says, “What the heck is going on up here?  We’re having a grand time downstairs!”  One of the blondes looks up and says, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”

Blonde Questions and Answers

Q: What do you call an eternity?

A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?

A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?

A: They think their picture is being taken.

The magic mirror

Once upon a time, there was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.   If you told a lie, the mirror would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think…’ and it sucked her in.

Give her another chance

One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren’t dumb.

They asked anyone that passed by, “Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we’re not dumb.”

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.

She got up on the car with the man and the man asked: “What is the first month of the year?”

The blonde responded: “November?”

“Nope,” said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, “Give her another chance, give her another chance.”

So the man asked: “What is the capital of the U.S.A ?”

The blonde responded: “Paris?”

So the crowd began chanting again: “Give her another chance, give her another chance.”

The man said: “Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?”

The blonde replied: “Two?”

“Give her another chance, Give her another chance.” screamed the crowd.

Chased by a Vampire

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to see her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?

Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quietly) So… what did you see in this dream?

Blonde: I was running down a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Blonde: Well that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to this door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn’t budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Blonde: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Blonde: It said “Pull”

The 500 Dollar Question

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.  The lawyer leans over to the blond and asks her if she would like to play a fun game to pass the time.  The blonde just wants to take a nap so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.  The lawyer, persistent, tells the blonde that the game is really easy and a lot of fun to play.  He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.  If you know the answer to the question, I pay you $5.”

Again, the blonde politely declines and tries again to grab a few winks.  The lawyer, refusing to give up, says “Okay, if you don’t know the answer to the question then you pay me $5 but if I don’t know the answer to the question, I will pay you $500!”  Figuring that since she is a blonde, he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde’s attention and figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.  “What is the distance from the earth to the moon?”  The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it over to the lawyer.

The blonde’s turn, she asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down the hill with four?”  The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.  He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.  He hooks into the airplane’s WiFi network and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress.  Frustrated, he send email to all his coworkers and friends.  All to no avail.  After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Eighty Eight Bam

A brunette standing along side a busy road chanting “88, 88, 88, 88…”   A blonde walked up to her and said, “that looks like fun, can I try?” The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, “88, 88, 88, 88..”

“Well,” said the brunette, “this is fun but what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street!” So the blonde said “OK” and stood in the middle of the street. “88, 88, 88, 88-” BAM! she was run over by a car, flattened as flat as a pancake.

Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, “89, 89, 89, 89..

Blonde Paint Job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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