Volunteer Firemen Save the Day

A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.

Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department’s work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000.

A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. “That ought to be obvious,” he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. “The first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!”

True Aviation Rules to Live By

The following are rules every aviator lives by:

  1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
  2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
  3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.
  4. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
  5. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
  6. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
  7. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
  8. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the oppo- site direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
  9. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.
  10. In the ongoing battle between objects made of alumi- num going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
  11. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
  12. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.

Make and wish and you’ll never work again

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp.  Since he’d heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out.  So he rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie.

The genie asked, as genies will, “What is your first wish?”

The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, “I would like to be rich!”

So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.

Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn’t even have to ask for number two before he said, “My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!”

And poof, he was there. Then the government worker decided on his third wish, “I don’t want to do any work ever again!” and poof — ubiquitous ironic twist — he was back in his office.

Three men and the Genie

Three men – a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer – are in Miami beach for a two-week period helping out on a project.  About midweek, they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.  Halfway up the beach, they stumble upon a lamp.  As they rub the lamp, a genie appears and says, “Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish.”

The hardware engineer goes first.  “I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me.”  The genie grants him his wish and sends him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer is next.  “I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me.”  The genie grants him his wish and sends him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it’s the project manager’s turn. “And what would your wish be?” asked the genie.

“I want them both back after lunch” replied the project manager.