The Amal and Juan Adopted Twins

A woman has twins, but sadly, has to give them up for adoption.  One of the twins goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’  The other twin goes to a family in Spain, they name him ‘Juan’.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, motherly instincts kick in and she gravely misses her two sons.  She tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal too.

Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

 

 

The ugly baby

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. “The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized with her and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”

“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”

 

How about my reward?

A sweet old lady dropped her handbag during the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping.  An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up to return to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, “Well, that’s funny.  Before I dropped my bad, there was a $20 dollar bill in it.  Now there are twenty $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn’t have any change for a reward.”

 

Maybe the preacher can help you with that

A woman was struggling to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle.  She turned it upside down and pounded it with all her might.  During her struggle, the phone rang.  Having her hands full at the moment, she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

“It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother.  Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone right now Pastor Bob.  She’s hitting the bottle.”

Gonna get my dog really, really clean

A little kid went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent.  The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to use it to wash my dog.”

“Oh no, you can’t use this to wash your dog,” said the grocer. “It’s much too strong and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get really sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But the boy refused to listen and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it.  A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.  The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer said he was sorry, but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”

“Well, the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh? What was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle!”

Dad’s gonna ride in the back seat this time

16-year-old Little Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license.  To celebrate, the whole family filed out to the driveway and climbed into the car for Little Johnny’s first drive.  Without stopping, Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re gonna sit back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”

 

Is that a baby in your stomach?

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively ask the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?”

She replied, “Im having a baby.”

With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”

She said, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”

She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.”

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked…

“Then why did you eat him?”

Try these smart pills son

One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.

The boy asked hid Dad, ”What are these Pop?”

”They’re smart pills son,” said his father.

”Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.”

So he ate them and said, ”Yuck…these taste like poop!”

”See,” said his father, ”you’re already getting smarter!”

The kid with no ears

Little Johnny ‘s next door neighbors had a baby.  Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny’s parents were concerned  that their son would have some wise crack to say about the baby with no ears so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said “Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or you are going to be in a lot of trouble when we get back home.”

“I promise not to mention his ears at all” said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby’s hand.  He looked at it’s mother and said “Oh What a Beautiful little baby”.

The mother said “Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”

He then said, “This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet.  Why… just look at his pretty little eyes….  Did his doctor say that he can see good?”

The Mother said “Why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has perfect 20/20 vision.”

Little Johnny said “Well, that’s a darn good thing, because he sure can’t wear any glasses!”

The smartest kid in the class

The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess.

The first kid said “Uh, 14?

“No,” the teacher said.

The second kid said “3.8”

“Not quite” the teacher said.

Finally the third kid said “That’s easy, 4”

“Yes, you all get recess now”.

At the playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said “It’s all about the Kidneys!” as he pointed to his head.