A pig is eating at a restaurant and while eating his dinner, he drinks 15 glasses of water. After he’s finished eating, he pays for the bill and heads for the door. The restaurant manager stops hims and says,”Hey, don’t you want to use the bathroom before you head home?” The pig replies, “No thank you. I’m the little piggy that goes wee, wee, wee all the way home.”
Children (for kids)
You can’t leave that giraffe in here
A man goes into a restaurant with a giraffe. The giraffe lays by his table as the man eats his dinner. After his meal, the man gets up and walks towards the door to leave, leaving the giraffe on the floor by the table. Just as he gets to the door, the restaurant manager stops him and says “Hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”. The man turns around and says, “Don’t be silly, that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe!”
Got any bread?
A duck walks into a store and says, “Got any bread?”
The salesman says, “No.”
The duck says, “Got any bread?”
The salesman says, “NO!”
“Got any bread?”
“I said N-O, NO!”
“Got any bread?”
“For crying out loud – N-O spells NO, and I mean NO!”
“Got any bread?”
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!”
“Got any bread?”
“Look, if you ask me one more time if I’ve got any bread, I’m going to nail your beak to the wall!”
“Got any nails?”
“No.”
“Got any bread?”
Where did you get that parrot?
A Frenchman walks into McDonalds with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap. The lady at the counter says, “Hey, that’s cool – where did you get that?”
The parrot says, “France – they’ve got millions of them there.”
I think I lost an electron
Two atoms are walking along talking and the first atom says, “Dang – I think I’ve lost an electron!”
The second atom asks, “Are you sure?”
The first atom replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
In and Out Skunks
One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play. Their mother said yes, but only for an hour.
An hour later, only Out came back. Their mother said, “Out, you’d better go back in and find In.”
About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In. Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly.
“Easy.” Out said. “In-stincts.”
Knock knock jokes – names that begin with the letter T
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tad!
Tad who?
Tad’s all folks!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Taipei!
Taipei who?
Taipei sixty words a minute is pretty fast!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tamara!
Tamara who?
Tamara the world!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tank!
Tank who?
Your welcome!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tarzan!
Tarzan who?
Tarzan stripes forever!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tehran!
Tehran who?
Tehran up the road!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tennis!
Tennis who?
Tennis five plus five!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tex!
Tex who?
Tex two to tango!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Texas!
Texas who?
Texas are getting higher every year!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thaddeus!
Thaddeus who?
To be or not to be, thaddeus the question!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thatcher!
Thatcher who?
Thatcher could get away with it!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thayer!
Thayer who?
Thayer sorry and I won’t tell teacher!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thea!
Thea who?
Thea later, alligator!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thelma!
Thelma who?
Thelma your soul, wah, ha, ha [evil laugh]!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thelonius!
Thelonius who?
Thelonius kid in town!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Theodore!
Thedore who?
Theodore is shut, please open it!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Theresa!
Theresa who?
Theresa fly in my soup!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Therese!
Therese who?
Therese many a slip twixt the cup and the lip!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thermos!
Thermos who?
Thermos be a better way!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Theron!
Theron who?
Therinheit or Centigrade, I always get mixed up!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thumb!
Thumb who?
Thumb like it hot and thumb like it cold!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thumpin!
Thumping who?
Thumping green and slimy is climbing up your back!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thurston!
Thurston who?
Thurston and hungerin’!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tibet!
Tibet who?
Early Tibet and early to rise!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell who?
Tinker Bell is out of order!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tis.
Tis who?
Tis who is good to blow your nose with.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toast!
Toast who?
Toast where the days!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toby!
Toby who?
Toby or not toby, that is the question!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tolkien!
Tolkien who?
Tolkiens get you on the subway!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tom Sawyer!
Tom Sawyer who?
Tom Sawyer underwear!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toothy!
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Torch!
Torch who?
Torch you’d never ask!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toronto!
Toronto who?
Toronto be a law against Knock Knock jokes!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toucan!
Toucan who?
Toucan play at this game!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toyota!
Toyota who?
Toyata be a law against such awful jokes!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tripoli!
Tripoli who?
Tripoli play!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tsongas!
Tsongas who?
Tsongas you’re here, lets tell some Knock Knock jokes!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna piano and it’ll sound better!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tunis!
Tunis who?
Tunis company, three’s a crowd!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Turin!
Turin who?
Turin to a vampire on Halloween!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Turnip!
Turnip who?
Turnip the heat it’s cold in here!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Twig!
Twig who?
Twig or tweat!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Twyla!
Twyla who?
Twyla light of the Gods!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Typhoid!
Typhoid who?
Typhoid that song before!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tyrone!
Tyrone who?
Tyrone shoelaces!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tyson!
Tyson who?
Tyson of this on for size!
Knock knock jokes – names that begin with the letter Z
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zaire!
Zaire who?
Zaire air is polluted!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zany!
Zany who?
Zany body home!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zebulon!
Zebulon who?
Zebulon to me!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zeke!
Zeke who?
Zeke and you shall find!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zinka!
Zinka who?
Zinka the ship!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zinnia!
Zinnia who?
Zinnia on TV – You look shorter!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zippy!
Zippy who?
Mrs Zippy!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zizi!
Zizi who?
Zizi when you know how!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zone!
Zone who?
Zone shadow scares him!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zookeeper!
Zookeeper who?
Zookeeper away from me!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zoom!
Zoom who?
Zoom did you expect!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zsa Zsa!
Zsa Zsa who?
Zsa Zsa last Knock Knock joke!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Zubin!
Zubin who?
Zubin eating garlic again!
Knock knock jokes – names that begin with the letter X and Y
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
X!
X who?
X for breakfast!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Xavier!
Xavier who?
Xavier your breath, I’m not leaving!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Xenia!
Xenia who?
Xenia stealing my sweets!
Y
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ya!
Ya who?
I didn’t know you were a cowboy!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yacht!
Yacht who?
Yacht a know me by know!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yachts!
Yachts who?
Yachts up, doc!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yah!
Yah who?
Ride em cowboy!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yehuda!
Yehuda who?
Yehuda dance all night!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yelp!
Yelp who?
Yelp me, my nose is stuck in the keyhole!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yoda!
Yoda who?
Yoda le lee whoo!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yoga!
Yoga who?
Yoga what it takes!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yogi bear!
Yogi bear who?
Yogi bear and you’ll get arrested!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yolanda!
Yolanda who?
Yolanda me some money!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
You!
You who?
Did you call?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yucatan!
Yucatan who?
Yucatan fool some people all of the time…!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yucca!
Yucca who?
Yucca catch more flies with honey than vinegar!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yukon!
Yukon who?
Yukom say that again!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yuri!
Yuri who?
Yuri great friend!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Yvonne!
Yvonne who?
Yvonne to be alone?
Knock knock jokes – names that begin with the letter W
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Waddle!
Waddle who?
Waddle you give me if I go away!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wade!
Wade who?
Wade till next time!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wafer!
Wafer who?
Wafer a long time but now I’m back!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wah!
Wah who?
Well you don’t have to get so excited about it, it’s just a knock knock joke!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Waiter!
Waiter who?
Waiter I get my hands on you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wallace!
Wallace who?
Wallace saying nasy things about you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Walnuts!
Walnuts who?
Walnuts around here!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Walter!
Walter who?
Walter-wall carpeting!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wannetta!
Wannetta who?
Wannetta time please!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Warner!
Warner who?
Warner you coming out to play!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Warren!
Warren who?
Warren my birthday suit!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Warrior!
Warrior who?
Warrior you been all my life!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wash!
Wash who?
Wash you there , Fred!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Water!
Water who?
Water be ashamed of yourself for living in a dump like this!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Water skier!
Water skier who?
Water skier’d of, I’m harmless!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Watson!
Watson who?
Watson television!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Watusi!
Watusi who?
Watusi is what you get!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wayne!
Wayne who?
Wayne are you coming over to my house!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Weevil!
Weevil who?
Weevil work it out!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Welk!
Welk who?
Welk-ome home!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Weirdo!
Weirdo who?
Weirdo you think you’re going!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Welcome!
Welcome who?
Welcome up and see me sometime!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wendy!
Wendy who?
Wendy come to take you away I won’t stop them!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wes!
Wes who?
Wes Side Story!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wheelbarrow!
Wheelbarrow who?
Wheelbarrow some money and go on holiday!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Whitney!
Whitney who?
Whitney have to say to me!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Whittle!
Whittle who?
Whittle Orphan Annie!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Who!
Who who?
You sound like an owl!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Whoopi!
Whoopi who?
Whoopi cushion!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wicked!
Wicked who?
Wicked make beautiful music together!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wilfred!
Wilfred who?
Wilfred like his present?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Willa!
Willa who?
Willa you marry me!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
William!
William who?
William-ind your own business!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Willie!
Willie who?
Willie be home for dinner!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Willis!
Willis who?
Willis rain ever stop!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Willoughby!
Willoughby who?
Willoughby a monkey’s uncle!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wilma!
Wilma who?
Wilma lunch be ready soon?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wine!
Wine who?
Wine don’t you like these jokes!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Witches!
Witches who?
Witches the way to go home!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Witold!
Witold who?
Witold you what to do!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to know!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Woody!
Woody who?
Woody answer the door please!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Woody!
Woody who?
Woody you want!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wynette!
Wynette who?
Wynette let me in?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wyoming!
Wyoming who?
Wyoming so mean to me!
