An old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast a possible. The man walks up to the boy and says “You know son, its really not healthy to eat all that candy.”
The kid looks up at him and says, “You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old.”
The man replies “Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?”
The kid looks at him and says “No, but he minded his own business.”
Bernie was eating dinner at a friend’s home when he noticed that Morris, the dinner host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie was impressed. He looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those sweet pet names.”
Morris hung his head and whispered,” To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago.”
An elderly widow and widower had been dating for over five years. The oldman finally decided to ask her to marry him. Without hesitation, she immediately said “yes”.
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…”
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to his marriage proposal.
“Oh”, she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”
Two elderly ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, “I realize we’ve known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can’t bring it to mind… would you please tell me your name again, dear?”
There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, “How soon do you need to know?”