Kulula – the funny airlines with a (sometimes dark) sense of humor

Kulula  is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself  too seriously. Below we have a collection of funny flight-attendant and pilot announcements along with some hilarious pictures of Kulula’s beautiful airplanes.

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Funny Kulula South African airline plane

 

Kulula  is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg .  Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the  in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more  entertaining. Here  are some real examples that have been heard or  reported:

On  a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit  where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard  time choosing, when a flight attendant  announced,
“People,  people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and  get in it!”

On  another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew,  the pilot said,
“Ladies  and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be  turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and  to enhance the appearance of your flight  attendants.”

On  landing, the stewardess said,
“Please  be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to  have.”

“There  may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

“Thank  you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the  business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a  ride.”

As  the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
“Whoa, big  fella. WHOA!”

After  a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the  Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight  announced,
“Please  take care when opening the overhead compartments because,  after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has  shifted.”

From  a Kulula employee:
“Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port  Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab  into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every  other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one,  you probably shouldn’t be out in public  unsupervised.”

“In  the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will  descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and  pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling  with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If  you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your  favorite.”

“Weather  at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank  you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more  than Kulula Airlines.”

“Your  seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event  of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“As  you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your  belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or  spouses..”

And  from the pilot during his welcome message:
“Kulula  Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

Heard  on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :  The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
“That was quite a bump and I know what y’all are  thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s  fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight  attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”

Overheard  on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy  and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really  had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight  Attendant said,
“Ladies  and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in  your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain  taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

Another  flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:  “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo  bounces us to the terminal.”

An  airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had  hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline  had a policy which required the first officer to stand at  the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a  “Thanks for flying our airline”. He said that, in light of  his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers  in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart  comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little  old lady walking with a cane. She said,
“Sir,  do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why,  no Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?”
The little old  lady said,
“Did  we land, or were we shot down?”

After  a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant  came on with,
“Ladies  and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain  Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching  halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared  and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door  and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal..”

Part  of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement:
“We’d  like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the  next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the  skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of  Kulula Airways.”

Heard  on a Kulula flight:
“Ladies  and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”

Funny patient response to doctor threat of $50 charge for no show appointment

We’ve all heard this before.  Some medical establishments charge a fee if you miss or cancel an appointment.  In this case, the patient received a letter informing them that they had an upcoming appointment and would be charged $50 if they did not show up.  Seeing that the patient never made the appointment in the first place, he cleverly turns the tables on the doctor’s office in this humorous response.

Click graphic for full-size view.

Funny patient letter to doctor in response to threat of charging fee for missing appointment
Funny patient letter to doctor in response to threat of charging fee for missing appointment

Funny Text Messages

Don’t ask how we get these but the following are real-life funny text messages.  The things people say in text messages, especially when they think nobody else will ever see them, are funnier than any comedian-written joke.

NOTE: Don’t forget to pass on your own funny text messages using the Comments section below or send screen shots to submissions@funnygrins.com or upload them using the form at the bottom, right-hand side of this page (you must register and be logged in to upload to Funny Grins).

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Funny 404 (Page not Found) Errors

When you visit a web site and attempt to access a web page that does not exist, the web site will issue a “404 error” indicating that the page could not be found.  In most cases these 404 errors are cut and dry, standard, technical explanations.  But some webmasters get a bit creative and spice things up with a humorous 404 error page.  Here’s a collection of funny 404 errors from around the web.

Click the picture for a full-size view of the 404 error web page.

 

Grats you broke it funny 404 error
Grats you broke it funny 404 error

 

Hang in there humorous 404 error
Hang in there humorous 404 error

 

Houston we have a problem 404 error
Houston we have a problem 404 error
Move popcorn 404 error
Move popcorn 404 error

 

Murdered page 404 error
Murdered page 404 error
Whoops pig 404 error
Whoops pig 404 error

 

Sinking ship 404 error
Sinking ship 404 error
Funny rain 404 error
Funny rain 404 error

 

Page swallowed by sinkhole funny 404 error
Page swallowed by sinkhole funny 404 error
Oh Snap 404 error
Oh Snap 404 error

 

It's your twurn to fix it funny 404 error
It's your twurn to fix it funny 404 error
Uh Oh Spaghetti O funny 404 error
Uh Oh Spaghetti O funny 404 error

 

Repairs in progress 404 error
Repairs in progress 404 error
I went to this page and all I got was this lousy 404 error
I went to this page and all I got was this lousy 404 error

 

Broken egg funny 404 error
Broken egg funny 404 error
Creative 404 error
Creative 404 error

 

Death see you soon funny 404 error
Death see you soon funny 404 error
Detective looking 404 error
Detective looking 404 error

 

Funny flowchart 404 error
Funny flowchart 404 error
Frak 404 error
Frak 404 error

 

afa funny 404 error
afa funny 404 error

Funny Dear Abby Letters and Responses

Funny Dear Abby Letters

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into the apartment or come out.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust.  He cheats so much, I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.  It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, but when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo.  Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world.  I’ve seen it.  Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty-year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years.  He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby, Do you think that it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn’t and he did it.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short-tempered.  I think she is going through her mental pause.

Funny Dear Abby Responses

Dear Abby, My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month.  I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday.  What do you think he’d like?

Carol Dear Carol, Never mind what he’d like.  Give him a tie.

 

Dear Abby, Our son was married in January.  Five months later, his wife had a ten-pound baby girl.  They said the baby was premature.  Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?

Wondering Dear Wondering, The baby was on time, the wedding was late.  Forget it.

 

Dear Abby, I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and still chasing women.  Any suggestions?

Annie Dear Annie, Don’t worry.  My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

 

Dear Abby, I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it.  Any Suggestions?

Sam Dear Sam Yes.  Run for public office.

 

Dear Abby, What inspires you most to write?

Ted Dear Ted, The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

 

Dear Abby, I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.

Rose Dear Rose, So would I.

 

Dear Abby, What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress Bess?

Dear Bess, Night and day.