45 Fun Things to Do On an Essay You Don’t Care About

45 fun things to do on a paper you don’t care about

1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts
with really small fonts.

2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.

3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking
them all over the professor’s door.

4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of
your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish
Armada.

5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn’t. Discuss whether Van Gogh would
have used nunchakus or katanas.

6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking
them on the page, ransom-note style.

7. End the paper with “This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds”.

8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog
from eating it.

9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can’t do
the paper because you’re not sure if the class really exists, or if
it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious.
If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the
paper actually exists.

10. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper
was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words,
right?

11. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer
crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn’t retrieve the
original.

12. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your
bibliography.

13. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of
the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor’s desk.

14. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain
that you can’t turn your paper in because it contains sensitive
military information and is only available on a “need to know” basis.
Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an “˜A’.

15. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you
were trying to get the feel for the period.

16. Turn in a letter your wrote to your cousin. When the teacher
confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the
paper mixed up. Say that you’ll turn the paper in as soon as you get it
back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while. (This
is a nifty way to get an extension.)

17. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate
cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.

18. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your
primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won’t see you
until the next full moon.

19. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that
on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run
over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.

20. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned
by the professor, act like it’s nothing unusual. After all, he did
tell you to include footnotes.

21. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper,
perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the
paper and correct all your typos.

22. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper,
opera-style, and hand that in.

23. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that
might cause a person to prefer anchovies.

24. Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from
several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different
perspectives on your work.

25. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..

26. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and
hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an
emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn’t possibly express what
you had to say.

27. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc
Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King
Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.

28. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.

29. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a
member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of
trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.

30. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the
words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the
time.

31. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it’s only a
few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.

32. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows
on the way to class.

33. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text
overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.

34. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is
“less filling” or that it “tastes great”. Also explain why Aristotle
would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers’
reactions to Spuds McKensie.

35. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.

36. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for
pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other
interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an
interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-\|/??!]}.

37. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the
picture as a resource.

38. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and
screaming, “I have a paper! I have a paper!”. Run around the class
a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell,
“There’s my paper!”, then run outside to get it. Repeat this all
through the period, or until the prof throws you out.

39. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the
paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the
horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.

40. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things.
For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in
Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire
collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.

41. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For
example, call George Washington “Georgie”. Call Ben Franklin
“Sparky”.

42. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w’s whenevew
you weawwy want to type r’s ow l’s.

43. Ol, switch alound arr the l’s and r’s in youl papel, rike Monty
Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.

44. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline
of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.

45. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in
a bar so that you could see “sociology in action”.

39 Creative Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

39 Creative Ways to Say Someone is Stupid:

1)A few clowns short of a circus.
2)A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
3)An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
4)A few beers short of a six-pack.
5)Dumber than a box of hair.
6)A few peas short of a casserole.
7)Doesn’t have all her cornflakes in one box.
8)The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
9)One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
10)One taco short of a combination plate.
11)A few feathers short of a whole duck.
12)All foam, no beer.
13)The cheese slid off her cracker.
14)Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
15)Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
16)He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
17)An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
18)As smart as bait.
19)Chimney’s clogged.
20)Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash.
21)Doesn’t know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
22)Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
23)Forgot to pay her brain bill.
24)Her sewing machine’s out of thread.
25)His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
26)His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
27)If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
28)Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
29)No grain in the silo.
30)Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
31)Receiver is off the hook.
32)Several nuts short of a full pouch.
33)Skylight leaks a little.
34)Slinky’s kinked.
35)Surfing in Nebraska.
36)Too much yardage between the goal posts.
37)Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
38)The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
39)24 cents short of a quarter.

30 Fun Things to Do While Driving

30 Fun Things to do When Driving

1. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
13. Sing without having the radio on.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who’s boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
22. Keep at least five cats in the car.
23. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
27. Stop and collect roadkill.
28. Stop and pray to roadkill.
29. Throw Spam.
30. Get in the fast lane and gradually “¦ slow “¦ down “¦ to a stop. then get out and watch the cars.Throw Spam at them.
31. Chinese Firedrill. Get at least 2 people in a car (the more the better) when the light turns red everyone get out and run around the car and yell “fire, fire!” Then get back in the car but switch drivers. Then drive off when the light turns green and act like nothing happened. (Called Chinese Fire Drill because China is so crowded that there is no place to run in a fire. So you have to get back in.)

SEND THIS TO:
0 people: your life will be a living hell
1-5 people: someone will get a crush on you
5-10 people: your crush will ask you out
10-15 people: you will go on a date with your crush
15-20 people: you will go to a dance with your crush
20-25 people: you will make out with your crush
25+ people: you will SCORE with your crush

Interesting Ways to Relieve Stress

Interesting Ways to Relieve Stress

1. Shove 20 marshmellows up your nose and try sneezing them out.

2. Use your Master Card to pay off your Visa.

3. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO HAVE A NICE DAY, TELL THEM THAT YOU HAVE OTHER
PLANS.

4. Make a TO-DO list of things that you have already done.

5. Put your little sister’s clothes on her backwards, and send her to
preschool as though nothing were wrong.

6. Fill your taxes out in Roman numerals as revenge against the government.

7. Draw underwear on the natives in National Geographic.

8. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

9. DRIVE TO WORK IN REVERSE.

10. Refresh your self: put your tongue on a cold steel guard-rail.

11. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to
you.

12. READ THE DICTIONARY UPSIDE DOWN AND LOOK FOR SECRET MESSAGES.

13. Bill your doctor for the time you spend in the waiting room.

14.write a short story using alphabet soup.

15. STARE AT PEOPLE THROUGH A FORK AND PRETEND THEY ARE IN JAIL.

16. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

25 Ways to Drive Your Roommate Crazy

Top 25 Ways To Drive Your Roommate Crazy

1. Every time you wake up, start yelling, “Oh, my God! Where the
hell am I?!” and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go
back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don’t know what
he/she is talking about.

2. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, “I can’t live in the same
room with you,” storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid
of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever
again.

3. Buy a Jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the
clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

4. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your
stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, “Okay, your
turn.”

5. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the
tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, “Oh, he’s around here
somewhere.”

6. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling.
When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head,
and moan.

7. Punch a hole in the TV Set and watch it anyway, complaining
about the poor picture quality.

8. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names.
Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato
from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s
potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t
belong.”

9. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests,
explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as
your normally would.

10. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate
if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on
the empty side of the room with concern.

11.When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the
phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang
up, say, “That was your mom. She said she’d call back.”

12. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing
nothing. Then, look up and say, “I think this game goes a lot faster
with two players.”

13. Talk back to your “Rice Krispies.” All of a sudden, act
offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it
up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them suffer”.

14. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on
them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the
music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and
say, “Well, it was fun while it lasted.”

15. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to
the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate’s
possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.

16. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly
complain that your feet hurt.

17. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb
with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often
about the cost of new lightbulbs.

18. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her
do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around
campus. If Your roommate protests, say, “The people have a right
to know!”

19. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people.
Find One that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, “It
had to be done.”

20. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. (“Frank Johnson!
Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holy cow!)

21. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask
your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your
roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it
look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the
funeral.

22. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she
protests, tell him/her that it’s all for charity.

23. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever
you’d like to have a conversation.

24. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When
your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering
a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, “We’ll continue this later,”
while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.

25. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go
and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry,
shouting at the worms that they’re stupid and they don’t know what
they’re talking about.

25 Signs You’re Getting Older

25 Signs You’re Getting Older

  1. Your potted plants stay alive.
  2. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  3. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
  4. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
  5. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
  6. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
  7. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
  8. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
  9. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
  10. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
  11. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  12. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
  13. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  14. You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 p.m.
  15. Dinner and a movie “” the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  16. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
  17. A $4 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
  18. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
  19. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho’s.
  20. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
  21. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  22. You don’t drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

19 Ways to Confuse Santa Claus

19 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining
that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding
ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask
if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas.
Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy
when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa
suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that
say “We hate Christmas,” and “Go away Santa.”

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and
wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way
home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse
to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he
comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last
payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note
that says, “For The Tooth Fairy. :) “ Leave another plate out with half a
stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that
says, “For Santa.”

11. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When
Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They
always return to the scene of the crime.”

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and
corrections.

13. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see
them. Go outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!” and
fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with
unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get
caught in it, and then explain that you’re sorry, but from a distance, he
looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the
house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been
“trampled.” Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up
like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This
neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

12 Ways to Get Rid of a Telemarketer

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and
you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to
ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my
bankruptcy?”

2. If you get one of those pushy people who won’t shut up, just listen to their
sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you’ll need to go get
your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or
whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your
credit card.

3. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to
know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care
these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died”¦.” When they try to get back to the sales process, just
continue on with telling about your problems.

4. If the person says he’s Joe Doe from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his
name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located.
Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long
as necessary.

5. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Julie
and I’m with Dodger & Peck Services”¦. You: “Hang on a second.” (few seconds
pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?”

6. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, “Julie!! Is this
really you? I can’t believe it! Julie, how have you BEEN?” Hopefully, this will
give Julie a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck
she could know you from.

7. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an
even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep
going until they hang up.

8. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan,
reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, “I don’t have any friends”¦would
you be my friend?”

9. If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat
blood or HUMAN blood ““ chicken blood too?”

10. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary
feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or, “That’s fascinating.”
Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered,
but just tell them you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a
complete stranger.

11. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example:
Telemarketer: “This is Bill from Widget & Associates.” You: “Widget &
Associates!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?”
Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.” You: “Great, they have a group there too?
How’s business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling
to employees! Oh well, see ya.”

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone
number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out
their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call
them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of
Telemarketers). If the person says, “Well, I don’t really want to get a call at
home,” say, “Yeah! Now you know how I feel.” (smiling, of course”¦)

101 Ways to Be Annoying

101 Ways To Be Annoying

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting
entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip”¦”

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and
then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that
this is so no one will “swipe your grub.”

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99
copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog “Dog.”

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions “to keep them tuned up.”

16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
“astronaut training.”

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors
upstairs for “violating your airspace.”

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
“real hoot.”

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a
can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to
your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play
along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the
neighbors you are a “spider person.”

26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward
silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the
room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard
Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist
to others that you “like it that way.”

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright
warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people’s backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter’s Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental
movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary
mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write “X ““ BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J.
Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?”
“What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until
physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your
chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in
the tray.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you
don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes.”

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains,
such as “Feliz Navidad,” the Archies’ “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to “John Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first
in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people
pronounce each “a.”

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if
they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it,
announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

101 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart

101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I
think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what
happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to “10”³.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen
you in so long!”¦” etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re
taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from
the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,””¦I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello”
upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
“Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any
Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
“Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him “ I
need some tampons!!”

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those
voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice
possible “sex and candy”

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.

59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and
women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch
everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with
various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you
and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is
breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you
do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was
another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME
darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto
the ground screaming and having convulsions.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people
out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of
shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the
boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every
perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another
girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.
“hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy
shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.
“hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples
carts when they don’t realize it!

70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean
in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front
of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the
perfume!!”

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!
Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat.

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man.” to
people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your
friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those
electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they
don’t know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for
toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend
that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over
wanting to use it, start barking at them until
they run away crying.

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind
customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your
friend.

80. Excesively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say
“Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of
french fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say
“Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you
say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from
Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like
everyone else your know. You digust me” Then walk away
mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-
like as you can

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.

84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your
“multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should
sound like this: “Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly
good time.(English)” “Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)” Etc.

85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms
and legs around like your having some kind of massive
seizure.

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to
go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then
quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away
as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while
singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.

91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn
around.

92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that
someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over,
start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little
attention” Then run away crying.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don’t look away, just
stay mesmerized.

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in
my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your
hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming
“NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO
NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the
eyes, and Calmly say “I”¦will start”¦a fire”¦” The pull out a
zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t
light the zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a spinkler.

96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I
warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get
my shot gun”. Then walk away.

97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my
god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him.
Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then
walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.

98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get
paid enough to do this”

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen
my mommy?”

101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.

BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.