A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”

“Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It’s going to last along time, so I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

“Oh, no,” the husband replies. “She’s left-handed.”

Airline introduces half-price fare for wives of businessmen

A popular airline recently introduced a new special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great success and feedback from their marketing promotion, the airline sent out letters to wives of all the businessmen who had used the special rates, asking them how they enjoyed their trip.

The airline is befuddled from the hundreds of responses they received from the wives asking, “What trip?”


The unfaithful groom

A young couple are recently married.  Seeking some privacy, the groom asks his new bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own with the condition that she never opens the drawer.  The bride agrees.

After 25 years of marriage, the bride notices that the secret drawer has been left open.  She decides to take a peek and inside the drawer she finds 3 golf balls and $1,000 in cash.

She angrily confronts the husband demanding an explanation.  The husband explains, “Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer to remind me of the indescrtion I made.”

The bride figures that 3 times in 25 years is not so bad but asks, “But what about the $1,000?”

The groom explains, “Whenever I get a dozen golf balls, I sold them.”


You cannot marry your half brother

One day a girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her father.  She tells her father that she wants to marry the young man.  After discussing the relationship for a while, the father tells the daughter that she cannot marry the boy because he is her half brother.

Over the course of the next couple of years, this same dilemma occurs five more times.  Each time the girl brought a boy home to meet the father, the father revealed that the boy was her half brother.

After a while, the girl starts to get very angry.  She storms into the kitchen and confronts the mother.  “Mom, what the hell have you been doing all your life?  Dad’s been going around town and having kids with the ladies in the city and now there are five boys that I’ve loved very much and cannot marry them because they are my half brothers!”

Her mom smiles slyly and says, “Don’t worry darling, you can marry any one of them.  He isn’t really your father.”


Pack my Pajamas, I’m Going Fishing

A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.  We’ll be gone for a week.  This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box.  We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.  Oh! and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.  The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish.  He says, “Yes! lots of walleye, some bluegill, and a few pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

The wife replies; “I did, they were in your tackle box.”