The ugly baby

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. “The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized with her and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”

“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”

 

Is that a baby in your stomach?

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively ask the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?”

She replied, “Im having a baby.”

With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”

She said, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”

She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.”

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked…

“Then why did you eat him?”

The kid with no ears

Little Johnny ‘s next door neighbors had a baby.  Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny’s parents were concerned  that their son would have some wise crack to say about the baby with no ears so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said “Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or you are going to be in a lot of trouble when we get back home.”

“I promise not to mention his ears at all” said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby’s hand.  He looked at it’s mother and said “Oh What a Beautiful little baby”.

The mother said “Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”

He then said, “This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet.  Why… just look at his pretty little eyes….  Did his doctor say that he can see good?”

The Mother said “Why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has perfect 20/20 vision.”

Little Johnny said “Well, that’s a darn good thing, because he sure can’t wear any glasses!”