How to determine what your kid will be when he grows up

“I have an idea,” said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he’ll be a preacher.”

So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding.

The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.

Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.

“Well how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”

The nervous bank robber

Two men were driving to their first heist when the passenger admitted to the driver that he was probably too scared to pull off the job.  The driver scolded him, “Don’t be  such a baby.  You’ll do just fine. Just give them our demands and they will cooperate. You can do this.”

The robbers pulled up to the bank and the passenger bravely exited the car, calmly walked into the bank, confidently approached the bank  teller, boldly pulled out his gun, and said, “All right mother stickers, this is a screw up, put your brains in the bag, or I’ll blow the money all over the floor.”