Funny bird one-liner jokes

What do you call a minor bird accident?

A feather bender.

 

Why did the duck go ring-ring?

He got a phone bill.

 

What did the little bird say to the big bird?

Peck on someone your own size.

 

What do you call a formal dance for ducks?

A fowl ball.

 

What kind of ducks rob banks?

Safe quackers.

 

Why was the duck unhappy?

His bill was in the mail.

 

Why did the pigeon need to get out?

He was cooped up at home all week.

 

Which bird does construction work?

The crane!

 

Which birds work underground?

Myna (miner) birds.

 

What kind of doctor treats a duck?

A quack doctor!

 

Stomp that lump out of the carpet

A carpet installer decides to take a cigarette break after completing the installation in the first of several rooms he has to do in a newly remodeled home.  He checks his pockets and to his dismay, finds that his cigarettes are missing.  He glanced down and notices a small lump in the recently completed carpet installation.  Not wanting to rip up all that work for a lousy pack of cigarettes he simply walks over and stomps on the lump until it is completely flattened out.  He decides to forgo the break continues on to the other rooms to be carpeted.

At the end of the day he’s completed his work and loading his tools into his trucks when to his surprise, he finds his pack of cigarettes laying on the dashboard of his truck.  At that exact moment, the lady of the house calls out to the workers, “Have any of you seen my parakeet?”

Funny Questions and Answers about Birds

Here’s a collection of funny questions and answers about birds.

Q: Why did the owl, owl?

A: Because the woodpecker would peck ‘er!

 

Q: What is a polygon?

A: A dead parrot!

 

Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?

A: The parrots of Penzance!

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?

A: A firequaker!

 

Q: What is a parrot’s favorite game?

A: Hide and Speak!

 

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?

A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

 

Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?

A: ‘The pheasants are revolting’!

 

Q: What is the definition of Robin?

A: A bird who steals!

 

Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?

A: When they’re going cheap!

 

Q: What do parrots eat?

A: Polyfilla!

 

Q: What do you give a sick bird?

A: Tweetment!

 

Q: What bird tastes just like butter?

A: A stork!

 

Q: What’s another name for a clever duck?

A: A wise quacker!

 

Q: Which bird is always out of breath?

A: A puffin!

 

Q: What’s got six legs and can fly long distances?

A: Three swallows!

 

Q: What is a duck’s favorite TV show?

A: The feather forecast!

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?

A: A bird that will talk you ear off!

 

Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?

A: A box of quackers!

 

Q: How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?

A: Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!

 

Q: Which birds steal soap from the bath?

A: Robber ducks!

 

Q: What kind of bird opens doors?

A: A kiwi!

 

Q: What language do birds speak?

A: Pigeon English!

 

Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?

A: Send him to polytechnic!

 

Q: Where do birds invest their money?

A: In the stork market!

 

Q: Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?

A: The Birds Eye counter!

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?

A: A bird that talks in morse code!

 

Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?

A: A headbanger!

 

Q: What do owls sing when it is raining?

A: ‘Too wet to woo’!

 

Q: What do baby swans dance to?

A: Cygnet-ure-tunes!

 

Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees?

A: Birds of prey!

 

Q: What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?

A: Tweetie Pie!

 

Q: What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?

A: Jail-birds!

 

Q: How do you get a cut-price parrot?

A: Plant bird seed!

 

Q: Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?

A: Because they’re both full of stuffing!

 

Q: What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?

A: Fowl play!

 

Q: What happens when ducks fly upside down?

A: They quack up!

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A: A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

 

Q: What do you call a very rude bird?

A: A mockingbird!

 

Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?

A: In a nest-cafe!

 

Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

A: With it’s sparrowchute!

 

Q: What is green and pecks on trees?

A: Woody Wood Pickle!

 

Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?

A: He didn’t give a hoot!

 

Q: What do you call a Scottish parrot?

A: A Macaw!

 

Q: What do you call a bird that lives underground?

A: A mynah bird!

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A: A great walkie-talkie!

 

 

Baby turtle can fly

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb.  About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end.  He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch,leaping towards the ground below.  On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb back up the tree again.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, “Don’t you think it’s time we told him he was adopted?”