The Heckling Parrot

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.  There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started heckling the magician in the middle of each show: “Look, it’s not the same hat!” he’d shout.  “He’s hiding the flowers under the table!” “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; after all, it was the captain’s parrot.  One day the ship ran into trouble and sank.  The magician found himself clinging to a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot.  They stared at each other with hate, but neither uttered a word.  This went for a day and another and then another.  Afer three days, the parrot finally spoke: “Okay, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

Conversation between US naval ship and Canadian authorities

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations October 10, 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMER- OUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!