I’m not a priest but maybe I can apply what I’ve learned and lend a helping hand anyway

A man is crossing a busy street in New York City when he is unexpectedly struck by a bus. As the man lies dying on the sidewalk, a crowd of spectators gathers around.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.

A policeman looks around, checks the crowd.  No priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.

"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.

Suddenly, out of the crowd steps a little old scruffy man of at least eighty years of age.

"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I’m living behind St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I’m listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agreed and brought the old fellow over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:

"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72. . ."

The Pope’s golf challenge – which religion is the best

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

“Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.”

The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “We’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres … We can’t lose!”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“Second?!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?!”

“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”