A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to church with me and receive blessings?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?”
[Wait for it…]
This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course, swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.” The Lord nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”
The Lord smiled. “Think about it- who can he tell?”
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day after Easter service, and as always the preacher was standing at the doorshaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The preacher said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Preacher.”
The preacher questioned, “Then how come I don’t see you except for Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”