The Blind Cowboy and his Blonde Joke

A blind cowboy walks into a bar and finds his way to a barstool where he sits and orders a beer.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.  In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

I don’t want to have to do what I did in Texas

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a local saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on the strangers that visited their town. When the cowboy finished his drink, he waked outside and found his horse had been stolen. He stormed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling of the saloon.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

The locals shifted restlessly in their chairs. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

 

This is how Oregon cowboys do it

Three cowboys, a Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian, were sitting around a campfire smoking, drinking and having a good time. The Texan takes a full bottle of the finest tequila, throws it up in the air and shoots it to pieces. The Californian and Oregonian are clearly dismayed at that show, and ask “Now what’d you go and do THAT for?” The Texan just drawled “Where I come from, we got a lot of those.”

Not to be outdone, the Californian reaches in his saddle bag and pulls out a full bottle of the best Californian wine there is. He throws the bottle in the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it to pieces. The Oregonian and the Texan both groan, but the Californian is quick to point out “Where I come from, we’ve got a lot of those.”

Next the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of the best microbrew beer that Portland makes. He throws the bottle high up in the air, takes out his gun, shoots the Californian, catches the bottle, and proceeds to drink the beer. Horrified, the Texan asks why he would go and do a thing like that.

“Well, where I come from, we got a lot of those, but the bottle’s worth a nickel.”

Mind if I talk to your sheep?

A Cowboy meets an Indian herding sheep in the Oklahoma Hills .

Cowboy: “Nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”

Indian: “Dog no talk.”

Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”

Dog: “Doin’ all right.”

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner?” (pointing at the Indian)

Dog: “Yep.”

Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”

Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”

Indian: “Horse no talk.”

Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”

Horse: “Really good.  Thanks.”

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” (pointing to the Indian)

Horse: “Yep.”

Cowboy: ” How’s he treat you?”

Horse: “Pretty good.  He rides me , brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.”

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”

Indian: “Sheep lie.”