Dad’s gonna ride in the back seat this time

16-year-old Little Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license.  To celebrate, the whole family filed out to the driveway and climbed into the car for Little Johnny’s first drive.  Without stopping, Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re gonna sit back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”

 

Getting old really sucks

A group of senior citizens were talking at the breakfast table in a Victoria nursing home.  “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know.  My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills makes me dizzy,”…another went on.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.  Then there was a short moment of silence.

“Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. “Thank God we can all still drive.”

Am I Driving?

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither could barely see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.  The stoplight was red but they just went on through.  The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light”.

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.  This time, the passenger was sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.  She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.  She turned to the other woman and said, Mildred! did you you know we just ran through three red lights in a row?   You could have killed us!

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh God! Am I driving?”

The Pope’s first time driving

The Pope comes to America. Of course, he’s very busy. Masses, rallies, dinners, events, etc. For security, he has the same limo driver daily. One evening at a banquet, he sees a chance to sneak away unnoticed. He goes out back, finds his limo, knocks on the window and finds the driver lounging in the rear seat eating a huge sandwich with his feet up on the driver’s seat.

Driver: Your holiness! I’m so sorry. Where can I take you? Forgive me!

Pope: Sit, eat, my son. Truthfully, I’d like to take the car for a drive. I’m the Pope, and everything is done for me. I’ve never driven an automobile. Please allow me.

Driver: Certainly, Your Holiness. Let me assist.

Pope: No. Sit, my son. Finish your dinner.

The Pope begins to drive. Naturally, he is not very good at it as he has never done this before. After hitting several parked cars, lamp posts, and stop signs, he is pulled over by a state trooper. The police man gets out of his cruiser, approaches the driver’s window and knocks. The Pope lowers the window, Trooper eyes the scene and retreats to his cruiser.

Immediately, the policeman grabs his cell phone and phones the governor.

Trooper: Governor, this is State Trooper Wilson. I’ve just pulled over the most important person in the world for a serious traffic violation but I don’t know what to do.

Governor: Wilson, who could you possibly have pulled over?

Trooper: I have no idea, but he’s sitting in the back seat of a limo, eating a sandwich and the Pope is his driver!