Health, Fitness, and Beauty Limericks

Health and fitness related limericks:

There once was a lady named Lynn

Who was so uncommonly thin,

that when she assayed

to drink lemonade,

she slipped through the straw and fell in!


By beauty I am not a star.

There are others more handsome by far.

My face I don’t mind it.

because I’m behind it.

It’s the people in front that I jar.


There once was a man named Jim,

Who was so exceedingly slim,

That when he turned sideways

(Even without any hideaways)

You could see no sign of him !


There was a young maiden, a Sioux,

As tempting as fresh honey dew.

She displayed her cute knees

As she strolled past tepees,

And the braves, they all hollered “Woo Woo!”


 

 

 

 

My Exercise Philosophy

It is well documented that for every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life.  This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month!

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.  She’s now 97, and we have no idea where she is.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

If God meant for us to touch our toes, He would have put them further up on our bodies.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately, my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country.

Friday Thoughts

Walking can add minutes to your life.. This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing..

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say,
‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,…… just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends but just e-mail it to them

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If you don’t forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really…. It’s true