The Pope’s golf challenge – which religion is the best

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

“Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.”

The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “We’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres … We can’t lose!”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“Second?!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?!”

“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”

The unfaithful groom

A young couple are recently married.  Seeking some privacy, the groom asks his new bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own with the condition that she never opens the drawer.  The bride agrees.

After 25 years of marriage, the bride notices that the secret drawer has been left open.  She decides to take a peek and inside the drawer she finds 3 golf balls and $1,000 in cash.

She angrily confronts the husband demanding an explanation.  The husband explains, “Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer to remind me of the indescrtion I made.”

The bride figures that 3 times in 25 years is not so bad but asks, “But what about the $1,000?”

The groom explains, “Whenever I get a dozen golf balls, I sold them.”

 

Top Ten Suggestions for Guys Playing Golf or While Using a Public Bathroom

Here are Funny Grins top ten suggestions for guys playing golf (or while using a public bathroom).

10. Keep back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder-width apart

9. Form a loose grip

8. Keep your head down

7. Avoid a quick backswing

6. Quiet please!… while others are preparing to take their shot

5. Stay out of the water

4. Try not to hit anyone

3. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you

2. Don’t stare while others address their balls

1. Don’t let anyone see you take those extra strokes!

The Preacher Should be Punished for Playing Golf on Sunday

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer.  Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course, swinging away.  It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing.  The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.  The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him.  He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.  Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed.  He went to the Lord and said, “Look at the preacher.  He should be punished for what he is doing.”  The Lord nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole.  He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away.  A picture perfect hole-in-one.  He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked.  He turned to The Lord and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”

The Lord smiled.  “Think about it- who can he tell?”

Moses and his threesome on the golf course

Moses put together a threesome and they hit the links. Moses pulled up to the tee, took out his driver, and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but bounced directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee with a 3 iron and hit a beauty, straight as an arrow, directly toward the same water hazard. It was headed straight for the water but instead of sinking when it hit, it merely skipped across the surface and landed on the green.

The third guy got up with a sand wedge and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the rainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the afore mentioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the talons of the eagle squeezed the frog and it dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”