Too early to get married

Bubba was a Tennessee hillbilly who lived way out in the sticks.  One day Bubba decided that he wanted to marry his sweetheart.  So, while enjoying a hearty meal of raccoon and biscuits for dinner one evening, Bubba brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa.

“Bubba, you can’t get married yet,” insisted Ma.  “You’re too young for that!”

“But Ma,” Bubba protested, “I just had my 38th birthday last week.”

“We know that, Bubba,” Pa chimed in, “but your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until after you graduate from high school.”

Hillbilly Medical Dictionary

Hillbilly medical definitions:

Benign…………………What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria……………….Back door to cafeteria.

Barium…………………What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section………..A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan………………..Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize………………Made eye contact with her.

Colic………………….A sheep dog.

Coma…………………..A punctuation mark.

D&C……………………Where Washington is.

Dilate…………………To live long.

Enema………………….Not a friend.

Fester…………………Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………………A small lie.

G.I.Series……………..World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail……………….What you hang your coat on.

Impotent……………….Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain……………..Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff…………..A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid…………………A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates……………….Cheaper than day rates.

Node…………………..I knew it.

Outpatient……………..A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear………………A fatherhood test.

Pelvis…………………Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative………….A letter carrier.

Recovery Room…………..Place to do upholstery.

Rectum…………………Damn near killed him.

Secretion………………Hiding something

Seizure………………..Roman emperor.

Tablet…………………A small table.

Terminal Illness………..Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor………………….More than one.

Urine………………….Opposite of mine.

Varicose……………….Near by/close by.