I can’t tell these dang horses apart

A man walks into a bar, very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”

The fellow replies, “Well, I’ve got these two horses, and well … I can’t tell them apart. I don”t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”

The bartender, feeling sorry for the man, tries to think of something he can do.

“Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”

The man stops crying and says, “Hey, thanks, that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.

“What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be out in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave, says, “Why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that won’t grow back.”

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves.

A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry a state. Without the bartender even asking, the fellow breaks into a chorus of his problems. “I shaved the mane of one of the horses, and it grew back!”

The bartender, now furious at the man’s general stupidity, yells, “For crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!”

The fellow cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he has just won the lottery. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

Try these smart pills son

One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.

The boy asked hid Dad, ”What are these Pop?”

”They’re smart pills son,” said his father.

”Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.”

So he ate them and said, ”Yuck…these taste like poop!”

”See,” said his father, ”you’re already getting smarter!”

The smartest kid in the class

The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess.

The first kid said “Uh, 14?

“No,” the teacher said.

The second kid said “3.8”

“Not quite” the teacher said.

Finally the third kid said “That’s easy, 4”

“Yes, you all get recess now”.

At the playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said “It’s all about the Kidneys!” as he pointed to his head.

You’re not as smart as you think

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.   This process of natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Top 10 Ways to Describe a Stupid Person

Top 10 Ways to Describe a Stupid Person

  1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
  2. A few clowns short of a circus.
  3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
  4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
  5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
  6. A few peas short of a casserole.
  7. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
  8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
  9. One taco short of a combination plate.
  10. A few feathers short of a whole duck