International Limericks

There once was a old man from Norway –

who cussed as he sat in a doorway-

the door smacked him flat-

and he yelled “what was that”?

that disgruntled old man from Norway!

There was a young lady from Niger,

Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.

After the ride

She was inside,

And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

There once a man from Japan

Whose Limericks would never quite scan

When asked why was so

He said “I don’t know”

“But maybe it’s because I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I ever possibly can !”

There once was a man from Spain,

who often stood out in the rain.

He said with a grin,

“I should do this again,”

and then he went on to a plane!

There was a young man from Peru.

Who wanted to live in a shoe.

A size six was too small.

So he walked down the mall,

And found a size twelve with a view.





The Know it all Barber

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.  He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, “Rome?  Why would anyone want to go there?  It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians.  You’re crazy to go to Rome.  So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking TWA,” was the reply.  “We got a great rate!”

“TWA?” exclaimed the barber.  “That’s a terrible airline.  Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late.  So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”

“That dump!  That’s the worst hotel in the city.  The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced.  So, what are you going to do when you get there?”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”

“That’s rich,” laughed the barber.  “You and a million other people trying to see him.  He’ll look the size of an ant.  Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.   You’re going to need it.”

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut.  The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was over booked and they bumped us up to first class.  The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.  And the hotel-it was great!  They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city.  They, too, were over booked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me.  Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand!  I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”

“Really?” asked the Barber. “What’d he say?”

He said, “Where’d you get the ugly haircut?