Funny you should come to me about this

A Jewish man was deeply troubled by the way his son had turned out.  He went to see his local Rabbi about it.

“I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah.  It cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian.  Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

“Funny you should come to me,” said the Rabbi. “Like you, I, too, raised my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, only to have him come to me one day and tell me he has decided to become a Chrsitian.”

“What did you do?” Asked the lawyer.

“I turned to God for the answer, of course,” replied the Rabbi.

“And what did he say?”

He said, “Funny you should come to me…”

Jesus heals even union workers

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and approached their boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, “Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I began working in the warehouse 18 years ago.  Is there anything you could do to help me?”

“Of course, my son”, said Jesus, and when he touched the man’s back, the man felt relief for the first time in many years.

The second man, who wore very thick glasses with eyesight so bad he could barely see to drive, asked if Jesus could do anything about his poor eyesight.  Jesus smiled, removed the man’s glasses and tossed them in the lake.  When they hit the water, the man’s eyes cleared and he could see everything in crystal clear, vivid colors.

Jesus turned to the union worker, who was bent over and rubbing his knee, and moved towards the man to heal him.  The union man threw up his hands up and cried, “No, don’t touch me!  I’m on long term disability.”

Moses and his threesome on the golf course

Moses put together a threesome and they hit the links. Moses pulled up to the tee, took out his driver, and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but bounced directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee with a 3 iron and hit a beauty, straight as an arrow, directly toward the same water hazard. It was headed straight for the water but instead of sinking when it hit, it merely skipped across the surface and landed on the green.

The third guy got up with a sand wedge and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the rainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the afore mentioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the talons of the eagle squeezed the frog and it dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”