I’m sorry, but I’ve forgotten your name. Again.

Two elderly ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well.  One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, “I realize we’ve known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can’t bring it to mind… would you please tell me your name again, dear?”

There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, “How soon do you need to know?”

If you say you paid I’ll take your word for it

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.  “But I paid, don’t you remember?’ says the customer.

“OK”’ says the bartender, “If you say you paid, you did.”

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”