The following chain letter made the rounds in late April 2011 claiming that Men can fix anything and demonstrating with a variety of funny pictures of man-made repair jobs. The chain letter closed with a paragraph noting that Women can fix things too. Click the picture for a full-size view.
Men can fix ANYTHING!
And if given the chance, Women can make a few improvements of their own…
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river.”
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools…and the intelligence… to cross this river.”
And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
Forty six reasons why it’s good to be a man.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president or PM.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky.
- Same work… more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
- People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
- One mood, ALL the damn time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hair stylists don’t rob you blind.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you to some- thing, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don’t have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
- You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
- You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don’t have to shave below your neck.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their alcohol consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
I’m sorry = You will be sorry……..
We need = I want.
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what ever you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk= I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.
You’re so manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said “OK so you released me from the lamp blah blah blah, but this is the fourth time this week and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get one wish.”
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m too scared to fly and I get very seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?”
The gene laughed a replied, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete….How much steel!!!! You have to be realistic. No, think of another wish.”
The man agreed and tried to think of a really good wish. He said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives have always said I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. To know what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment. To know why they are crying. To know what they want when they say ‘nothing’….”
The gene replies “you want that bridge with two lanes or four?”