Affair drives blonde to murder

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is seeing another woman.  She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband sitting in the living room with a beautiful redhead.  She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head, her finger shaking on the trigger of the gun.  The husband jumps out of bed, runs to her, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”



Polish Death by What?

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.  The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, “How sure are ya that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten you?”

“No,” replied the nervous immigrant.

“Did you hear her tell someone else that she’s gonna kill you?”


” Then why in God’s name did you think she’s gonna kill ya?” asked the exasperated police officer.

“Because I found a bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me.”

He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.   The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh.  The immigrant became indignant and said, “What’s so funny?  Can’t you see the label on the bottle says `Polish Remover’?”

It Takes a Woman to be a CIA Agent

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.  These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.   After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job.  The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.  “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances” they explained.   “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.   Take this gun and kill her.”

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, “You can’t be serious! could never shoot my own wife!”

“Well”, says the CIA man, “You’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.  “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances”, they explained to the second man.  “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair.  Take this gun and kill her.”

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room.  All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened.  The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her, I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife.   I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”

“No” the CIA man replied, “You don’t have what it takes.   Take your wife and go home.”

Now they’re down to the woman left to test.   Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun.  “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test.  Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair.   Take this gun and kill him.”

The woman took the gun and opened the door.   Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing.  One shot after another for 14 shots.  They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.  This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.  The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.   She wiped the sweat from her brow and said “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks!  I had to beat him to death with the chair!”