Osama bin Laden is Dead Jokes

Osama bin LadenA collection of jokes and humor about the 5/1/2011 death of our favorite hide-and-seek player, Osama bin Laden.

Note: Many Osama (Usama) bin Laden references below are topical and related to other news events of the day.  Read jokes in context of the date the death occurred.

 

Osama bin Laden’s death In the news headlines

News Flash: Osama bin Laden dead.  Trump demands death certificate [days after Trump demanded the birth certificate of President Obama].

Osama bin Laden – Out of the Playoffs [Obama death occurred during the NBA playoffs].

Osama bin Laden Releases New Cave Video: Claims Al-Qaeda Responsible for his Death

Breaking News: U.S. Terror Alert Level raised to “Confetti”

Breaking News: Steven Segal and Jean Claude Van Damme return home early from last minute holiday at a secret location…

Osama Bin Laden was pronounced dead today. HIs condition is described as Good.

News Flash: Al-Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Osama’s Death

 

Osama bin Laden is Dead Twitter posts

Osama bin Laden FBI Fugitive Poster - DeadSo, Osama bin Laden is dead.  Should we demand another bank holiday?

They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life…

Bin Laden must have had his contact information in his PlayStation account…

What did al-Qaida learn from Osama bin Laden’s death? Location, location, location.

At least he got to see the royal wedding before he went out.

This is good news for the other guys on the top 10 wanted list – finally they get to move up in the rankings.

Wait!  Nobody celebrate until we find Waldo too!

My birth certificate?  Seriously Trump?  Trump this, bitch.

How sad.  Mrs. bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to Single/Widowed…

Man, I would NOT want to be 72 virgins right now…

Looks like Osama signed up for Foursquare on the wrong day…

Queue the 9 and a half year search for the “body”…

Osama Bin Laden is dead but we still need to find the other 7 horcruxes.

Save country from financial ruin – Check.  Provide birth certificate for nay sayers – Check.  Find and kill Osama – Check.  Resolve Democrat and Republican animosity by salvaging at least a part of Bush’s legacy – Damn, how many years do I have left?

[As Internet traffic surged and social networking sites experienced slowdowns] As his last act of terrorism, Osama Bin Laden is blowing up my facebook newsfeed…

 

Osama bin Laden is Dead – Funny (and stupid) Facebook Posts

My mom just doesn’t get it

My mom was so excited about Osama’s death that she changed her Facebook profile picture.  I don’t think she gets its…

Mission Accomplished

 

The killed who?

John: I cant believe Osama is dead…

Jule: What?  What happenedd?

John: Where have you been?  He was killed last night.

Julie: You’re kidding me.  The President is dead?

 

But I do geography

Wait who is osama bin laden again?  I thought he got hung like 4 years ago?  Considering I do geography i should reeeeally know this kinda thing

 

Other Stuff

Obama - Sorry it took so longRight now George W Bush is sayin ” What else is on?” [when Osama’s death was announced, all major networks ran live coverage for several hours]

Toby Keith just wrote two albums in the last hour.

Mark Twain: “I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”

R.I.P Osama Bin Laden – World Hide And Go Seek Champion (2001 – 2011)

So Bin Laden is finally dead. It’s amazing what the Americans can do when the PlayStation network is down. [the death occurred during a prolonged, major outage of the Sony PlayStation network]

Looks like Jeff Dunham is going to have another partner for Achmed the Dead Terrorist

New World Trade Center FU Osama DesignIn other news, Chuck Norris returns from vacationing in Pakistan.

I would make an Osama joke but they’ve probably all Bin done.

Saturday Morning -Prince William and wife postpone honeymoon and fly off on helicopter. The Couple have asked that their privacy be respected during the coming weekend.
Saturday Night – Col Gaddafi’s son and grandchildren bombed.
Sunday Night – Osama Bin Laden killed
Coincidence?

Osama will be kicking himself, if he’d been martyred before Friday night there would have been the off-chance of Kate being one of his 70 virgins.. [the Prince William/Kate Royal Wedding had just concluded prior to Bin Laden’s death]

“One thing we learned, bombing works. … We’ve flown over 2,800 sorties, dropped 15 tons in warheads, and done $39 in damage. But we’re a compassionate nation … and when this is all over, we’re going to put the rocks and dirt back.” —Comedian Al Franken

Dear Osama—–I WIN!  Sincerely Waldo.

Osama found hiding in mansion in Abbottabad.  Talk abbotabad place to try and hide…

[From Obama to bloggers across the Internet] Come on guys, The S and the B are not even that close together.

I swear, if Barack Obama finds WMDs in Iraq I’m gonna be pissed…

Bush: Hmmmm….  In a mansion?  I guess when they said he had a “really cool man cave”, I misunderstood… [for several years it was thought that Bin Laden was hiding in a remote cave]

Neal Brennan: “So great to see Barack Obama defeat the man who brought so much pain to the city of New York – Donald Trump.” [Days before the big news was Trump demanding to see Obama’s birth certificate proving he was born in the United States]

A man walks into a bar and orders a “Bin Laden”.
Bartender asks, “what’s a Bin Laden?”
Man responds, “Two shots with a splash of water.”

 

Pictures

Click the pictures below for a full-size view of the picture.

Obama bad ass - anything else I can get you?
Obama bad ass – anything else I can get you?

 

 

Dear Republicans, Good luck in 2012
Dear Republicans, Good luck in 2012

 

 

This is where we found him
This is where we found him

 

Thank you for turning yourself in Mr. Gaddafi

 

Can you find the horse?
Training for Osama bin Laden hunters. Can you find the horse?

 

Read other Funny Grins jokes about Osama Bin Laden here.

A new American Holiday

Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future, she finds the answer. “You will die on an American holiday.”

“Which one?” Osama bin Laden asks nervously.

“It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it will be an American holiday!”

Bin Laden’s Great Wall

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day.  They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

“I will give each of you one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.

The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.  I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”

With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state.”

Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

Uncle Sam, asks, “I’m very curious.  Please tell me more about this wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out — virtually impenetrable.”

Uncle Sam says, “Fill it with water.”

Top Anagrams for Osama Bin Laden

Top Anagrams for Osama Bin Laden

21. Sane Oilman Bad

20. I bona leadsman

19. Nasal Nomad Be I

18. Be a Slain Nomad

17. A bend lama son

16. Albania’s Demon

15. A lesbian nomad

14. Alias “Boned Man”

13. So I anal bad men

12. And I blame a son

11. No Asian bedlam

10. I.D.: Mean Anal S.O.B.

9. I, a sad nobleman

8. A slain abdomen

7. I’m so banal, Edna

6. I model bananas

5. A mob, insane lad

4. Is a lone, bad man

3. Do a samba, Lenin

2. I’m Dole bananas

1. Abandon E-mails

Osama’s Inter-Cave Memo

From: Bin Laden, Osama

Sent: Monday, October 22, 2001 8:17 AM

To: Cavemates

Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We’ve all been putting in long hours but we’ve really come together as a group and I love that.  Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says “There is no I in team” as well as the one that says “Hang In There, Baby.”  That cat is hilarious.  However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of the cave.  And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it’s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave.  Hey, you don’t want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily.  I’ve posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it’s not often I make a video address but when I do, I’m trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay?  That means that while we’re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background.  Just while we’re taping.  Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one.  As you know, by edict, we’re not supposed to shave our beards.  But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime.  We’re all in this together.

Fourth: food.  I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote “Osama” on the front, and put it on the top shelf.  Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.  Consideration.  That’s all I’m saying.

Finally, we’ve heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks.  I want to set up patrols to look for them.  First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Death to infidels,

Osama