The Biggest Lie Wins the Dog

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing.

One of the boys replied, “This dog is an old neighborhood stray. We take him home with us sometimes, but only one of us can take him home. So we’re having a contest: whichever one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today.”

Of course, the Reverend was shocked. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I would never tell a lie.”

There was complete silence for about a minute. As the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh. “All right,” he said, “give him the dog.”

At his funeral you must say my brother was a saint

There were two evil brothers.  They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye.  They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect religionists.   Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired.  Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.

A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.   All of a sudden, one of the brothers died.  The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.

“I have only one condition,” he said.  “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.”

The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back.  “He was an evil man,” he said.  “He cheated on his wife and abused his family.” After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with:   “But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.”