Get my red shirt

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo who showed no fear in facing his enemies.  One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic.  Captain Bravo bellowed, “Bring me my Red Shirt!”  The First Mate quickly retrieved the captains Red Shirt and while wearing the bright frock he led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships.  The captain again howled for his Red Shirt and once again vanquished the pirates.

That night, all the men sat around the deck recounting the day’s triumph’s and one of them asked the captain, “Sir, why did you call for your Red Shirt before battle?”

The captain replied, “If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid.”  All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted TEN pirate ships approaching.  The rank and file all stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual reply.  Captain Bravo stared with steely eyes upon the vast armada against his mighty sailing ship and without fear, calmly turned and shouted, “Get me my brown pants!”

A seagull crapped in my eye

A sailor and a pirate are talking each a bar. Their chat soon turns to their sea adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting wars with the navy, and the pirate tells of robbing ships and killing his enemies. The sailor notices that the pirate has an eye patch, a hook and a peg leg, and asks, “How did you get the peg leg?”

The pirate replies, “When I was thrown off my ship and floated for two days until my crew rescued me, my leg was bitten off by a shark as I was being pulled out of the water.”

The sailor, impressed, says, “Wow! That”s very exciting. But what about the hook?”

The pirate smiles, shining the hook on his coat sleeve. “When I was sword-fighting with an enemy pirate for treasure, he took it right off.”

The sailor”s eyes are wide with awe at how tough this pirate is, and he asks, “How did you get the eye patch?”

“Well,” says the pirate, shifting in his seat a bit, “a seagull pooped in my eye.”

The sailor looks puzzled. “You lost an eye from seagull poop?”

The pirate sighs and shakes his head. “It was my first day with the hook.”